Cd12 U/S

3 mature follicles!!! If I remember right (they are going to email me the numbers) was 21 and 24 on the right. Also a 14 that might catch up. Then a 17 on the left. Crazy since my left sides been hurting the most. I also had 8-10 each on both sides under 10. Lining was 8. That's good right?

Trigger tonight and IUI Wednesday! I'm so ready!!! Please work!!

Waiting on my blood work for the 100% go ahead. Won't hear back till 4ish though.


~~~Edit~~~

Bloodwork is perfect and were set for Wednesday!!!

Cd11

I'm haning in there. I'm still emotional but so so much better. My ovaries are starting to feel sore. I'm hopping that will mean good numbers tomorrow. My US is at 730 tomorrow morning. I'm so bloated and I feel like I have to pee every 40 minutes. I pee a lot as is but I feel like I'm so bloated and sore that everything is just swollen and killin my bladder. Is this normal?

I'm really hopping for 4 mature eggs tomorrow. I know some may think that's a lot but with very low morphology level and how bad the sperm count in general was on the SA that means post wash would only be 1.3million which is barely enough to do IUI. I'm just ready to know. All this waiting sucks!! Please God with everything I have in me please let this work! PLEASE!!

Balance

I'm not sure if its healthy to consider your self balanced by having just as much hope as fear. Somedays it makes me feel bipolar.

 I have an angel of hope on one shoulder saying this has worked first shot for other people so its going to work for you. Maybe you'll be the lucky one that gets twins. I find myself dreaming of what cute maternity dress ill get to wear to my brothers wedding in July. E even going so far as looking some up online.

On the other shoulder is a scared bitter angry devil telling me it will never work and I should just start getting use to the idea of living child free. This thought makes me sad and then there are days where I think maybe I'd be ok with that. Doing what I wanted when I wanted. Traveling with the hubby. These thoughts make me wonder am I losing the fight at 26? Then I think of the room of baby stuff I have and know I can't gcw it away and I know I'm not ready to give up yet.

Is is healthy to have such extreme thoughts everyday?

I guess this shows how scared I am. I'm scared I put my body thru the ringer and I won't get anything for it. I'm scared ill get pregnant and lose another baby. I'm scared I won't ever be able to enjoy bein pregnant if I ever get there. Or even worse I fear ill be too overjoyed after the fight we've had. Could I become that annoying and insensitive pregnant women? I hope not. Then again how unfair is it that because of this battle ill never be able to post pics of my belly and be happy with out thinkin of the pain that picture might be causing someone else.

Clearly I'm losing it so ill stop.

On a side note my headache is pretty dull today so I think I'm on the men's. I already talked to the doctor and if this cycle fails then ill be on femara next month. Man I hope there's no next month.

Never again

I am writing this post I remind myself I will never do clomid again. It doesn't matter that it could give me for eggs or a higher chance of twins. I have the worst headache ever. I've cried more than once at work. I can not so this. Why am I doin this to myself? I know a baby will be all worth it in the end but right now the end is very far away and this tunnel is super dark.

Half of me feels like this is going to work and the over other half feels like I'm never going to get a baby. Please someone just kill me now! My head is king to kill me and it won't matter. Oh my word.

Sorry for the ranty post.

Results

The doctor just called and I was a little taken a back that it was him as I've heard if he calls it was bad news. I thought oh no my tests were bad. Nope normal. Then he said he gotta hubbys SA came back. Morphology 2%!!!!!!! We are a go for IUI!! The bad news is his count came back 9.8million. Last year it was 48million so he thinks it was a bad sample since hubby didn't want to do it that day and was at the end of this overtime. They check the day of IUI as most know so we'll know for sure if it was a fluke or not. It he does have a low count now then well go see a urologist.

Oh I asked about the headaches and he said we won't do clomid again if this doesn't work.

I'm pretty freakin happy thought!!!!!!

Thoughts? Can his count really drop 40 million like that?

Here we go

CD1 I have never been so happy to see that red witch EVER! I start clomid Saturday and my US is Feb 11th. Hubbys SA is tomorrow and hopefully well know next Friday what the number is if not it should be in by my US. I'm really hopeful that hubbys number will rock and we can do this thing. This will be the first clean SA he's ever had so thats why I think he'll pass (at least for IUI).

I'm so excited and scared and I'm just ready to do this. I am really really hopeful and yet I know we may have to do several rounds of IUI. At least now that we aren't using donor (I hope) we can afford 4-6 rounds of IUI. Please give us a baby!!!

Also hubby had an interview today for a really AWESOME job so I'm praying he gets it!!!

Alright people bring on the crazy clomid monster!! Just remind

CD5 of IUI

I thought about putting IUI#1 but I'm not putting that negativity out there. I'm trying to stay really positive. Thats hard to do with clomid running thru my vains. I've had a few emotional moments but being in a new department at work and really really busy is helping a lot.

I'm taking the clomid at night and I think that helps a lot. I've only had one major headache, and a dull one today. If thats all I have then I think I'll be ok. This is just so hard. I want it to work so badly and it stings so badly when you log on fac.ebook and see a 21 year old pregnant with baby #2. I'll make it thru and I'll get my baby.  I am strong enough and I can do this!!

I'm just trying to focus on Friday and hopefully getting good SA results and Monday for a lots of eggs, just not to many.