Nothing

No word yet on the adoption. I just want to know. I hope they really let us know by tomorrow but I don't really trust them so we'll see. Sorry I've been such a bad blogger, nothing much going on here. My apt with the new RE isn't till end of Jan and with no word on the adoption I'm just sitting pretty. Fall semester is rapping up fast. Two more weeks. I can't wait!!! Hope your all doing well and that I'll have news soon.

Sent to Review

I got an email today that our adoption paperwork has been sent to the review board. We should have answer no later than 11/30. This has been such a rocky road and I'm so scared. You all know the problems we've faced and that DH background isn't perfect so we could still be denied so please say a little prayer for us.

New doctor

After lots of talk and back and forth we made an apt to talk to the doctor here about doing DS IUI. I think DH is still worried about money and isn't 100% on board but the good new is I can't get in to see him till Jan 30th so that gives us some time to save and DH to come around. I'm really excited! We are still trying to get approved for adoption but everyday we aren't I worry more and more we aren't going to be. We can't get that paperwork they want so I don't know what they're going to do. Either way I am happy not to have all my eggs in one basket. Any stories about donor sperm with IUI or just IUI working would make me feel so much better!!

Can't focus

on anything but babies, babies, babies. Not good when your going to school and have a few weeks left. I feel like my mind is in over drive thinking about babies. I just want to be a mom so badly. This is hard! I always try to stop and think what would we do if we had a baby tomorrow, I feel like we wouldn't be ready. Would I work, would I stay home, AHHHHHH lol. Still no word on the adoption. I feel like we are just at a stand still. I got a call from chris old doctor that they are mailing this paperwork about his head but still no word from the DUI counselor. I feel like we are never going to get approved. I don't know whats going to happen if we can't get that paperwork. Hubby and I have been talking more and more about doing IUI with donor sperm. I did find out that it is a tad cheaper here but DS is so expensive. $6150 for the vial and $200 for the shipping and thats just the the sperm itself. If you want extra info on the donor you have to pay for that to. I wish this wasn't so hard or expensive. I think I'm going to make the apt with the new doctor. At least see what he thinks and my new insurance should pay for the apt and first us and bloodwork, then we'll have to pay for the US and BW before the IUI and the IUI itself. Hubby is freaking out about money and isn't totally sold on it but I think I've made up my mind that this is what I want. This doesn't mean I'm not scared to death but I'm trying to push thru. I'm just scared it won't work. We barely have the money (not really but I'll figure it out) and what if it doesn't work? It does kinda freak me out to have another mans sperm in me but I think I'm more scared it won't work than anything.

Classes Done!

We finished our adoption class Saturday!!! YAY! We are cert parents! Oh and yes if ya'll hadn't figured it out I love!!!!!!!!! Still no word from the doctor on the forms hubby needs filled out. I'm going to email dhs and see what they will or won't do with out it. It's stressing me out that we can't get a hold of them and we can't move forward without it. I started my new job last week and so far it's good. I feel kinda all over the place with this baby stuff. I keep thinking about adoption and IUI and no money and work, school and I feel all over the place. Sucks! Anyways! If you live in US make sure you vote today!

Scared

This is the first time I'm admitting that I'm scared we won't get a baby, or not really even that but that we won't get approved. We have our last class Saturday and we should be close to approval but with all this crap they want on DH I'm scared. They could say he's had to many legal problems or health problems and we aren't approved. We haven't been able to get ahold of the doctor that needs to fill out his paperwork so I don't know what happens if we can get it filled out. We got paperwork yesterday in the mail that needed to be signed and we mailed that back. I'm just worried. My husband is always the strong one and always the one that will say this is going to happen we are going to get a baby, but he is losing hope. I feel bad because we have male factor and now he's the one with the back ground issues. I do feel bad for him, but annoyed. Proud of myself for not blaming him or freaking out, I just well I'm scared. I don't want to blame him because I love him but somedays it's hard not to have that horrible thought of what if I'd married somebody else or what if I'd gotten my BA years ago maybe I'd have the money for IVF and so on and on. Yesterday Hubby said I'm really scared we won't approved. What should we do if we aren't approved. I think he was waiting on me to freak out on him or cry. I calmly said well how would you feel about doing sperm donor IUI or IVF (he's very against going into debt for a baby) He said I'm good with either and I'll get a 2nd job that we can put just that money from that job toward medical treatments. I almost cried. I don't want him to have to work a 2nd job but it was very very sweet. Even with all this crap I really am lucky to have such a great guy! LOVE HIM! I am happy I married him just fyi lol!