I have no words. I'm blown away right now!!!
First I really really liked my new doctor. He was awesome. He went over all my history and he did drop a pretty huge bomb on me. He said he doesn't know that the HBA test (sperm penetration test) isn't right. He said that test is really old and he hasn't seen it done in years. That explains by all the nurses I've talked to don't know what it is. He said that hubbys morphology is low and that is what he's more worried about. 4 and above is normal and hubbys is .5. Hubbys test was a 3 in 2010 and the thinking the .5 could be wrong as hubby didn't feel good the day he had the test done. The doctor said that in his experience a level between 1-4 pregnancy rates were the same with IUI as above 4 it's when it's under 1 that pregnancy rates are pretty much nothing. He wants hubby to do the SA on Friday morning and for us to IUI with his sperm. MY HUSBANDS SPERM!!! I'm blown away. I can my husbands baby. There are no words.
Hubby is pissed he's got to do the SA again and if it's crappy then we can always go back to using a donor but as of right now we have a shot of our own baby. The doctor said that he's even willing to do IUI with his level as low as .5.
Plan is to do clomid as he thinks it's better at giving you more eggs, it I don't have 3-4 eggs then we will move on the femara then follstim. I should start af anydays and well get rollin. I just hope and pray hubbys number is over 1!!!!! I don't want to get excited as with IUI we only have an 8-10% and about 40/50% over 4 cycles but things are looking better. I'm just shocked!!!!!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Jelly
That's what I call jealousy when I'm trying to play it down. Man I swear Somedays it just comes out of nowhere. Normally I can be happy for everybody else without beig to sad for myself and other days (I think it's when I'm pmsing or on af tht it happens most) I wanna punch someone.
I know other people are older than me, I know other people have an equally hard time if not harder than me but sometimes even when an infertile gets pregnant it stings. I'm so happy for all of you when you finally get pregnant or for those who lose babies get futher along. Somedays I wanna cry. I'm younger then most and I've trying longer then most and I feel like when is it my turn?
Now I'm crying because I feel so ashamed! I should be happy for more babies, no matter how they are made. I should be greatful I'm pmsing so we can start iuI. I should be happy we get to do iUI. I'm just so jelly! I just want to be a mom.
I know other people are older than me, I know other people have an equally hard time if not harder than me but sometimes even when an infertile gets pregnant it stings. I'm so happy for all of you when you finally get pregnant or for those who lose babies get futher along. Somedays I wanna cry. I'm younger then most and I've trying longer then most and I feel like when is it my turn?
Now I'm crying because I feel so ashamed! I should be happy for more babies, no matter how they are made. I should be greatful I'm pmsing so we can start iuI. I should be happy we get to do iUI. I'm just so jelly! I just want to be a mom.
Monday, January 28, 2013
I feel like a liar!
Co-worker: why are you leaving early Wednesday?
Me: I have to go meet somebody.
I feel like I'm lying. I can't say I have a doctors apt because then my mom (who works a floor down from me) will ask why.
How do you go to all your monitoring apts without people knowing what's up?
Me: I have to go meet somebody.
I feel like I'm lying. I can't say I have a doctors apt because then my mom (who works a floor down from me) will ask why.
How do you go to all your monitoring apts without people knowing what's up?
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Few days to go
My RE apt with the new doctor here in OK is on Wen. I am so excited. Hubby told me that as long as we have the money set aside he is 100% on board with IUI. I have almost all of it so I'm not worried, of course hubby is worried it's not enough. He's scared it won't work after we spend the money. I kinda feel like he thinks its not gonna work and I'm just throwing away more money on fertility treatments. I on the other hand think we have a good chance of it working even if we have to do it twice.
I found out that our insurance will cover all the testing and diagnostic so we plan on having the doctor rerun my blood work since it's been a few years just to check. I really want them to retest hubby. I do not think it's going to change much as it's extremely low. Remember 80% and above is normal and his HBA level was 11%. Maybe if it was like 60 or something but 11 yeah I don't have much hope. I'm ok with this as it's been almost a year and we have come to terms with it. I think having the test done again will confirm it and hubby won't have any doubt that it was a mistake or he was sick or anything.
I'm just pumped for my appointment. I have read everything I can read on IUI. So much so that I am now dreaming about reading blogs and forums. I just have so many questions about what the success rates are and what meds well use. I just want my appointment here so I have answers. Also that will be a few days closer to AF starting! (it's due next weekend)
OHH update on the wedding. I researched for a couple hours this afternoon and I found a must closer hotel (within a mile or two from my brothers new apartment but still 30/40 minutes from the wedding site). Everybody oked it so I hope I don't hear anything else about it. Overall it's about $140 more for the week but my parents said they were planning on paying for the whole rental car which I had planned on paying half of so over all thats saving us $80. My mom said was sorry she hurt my feels by saying I didnt have to come. She said I just did want you to feel pressure to come if you didn't think you had the money or you needed to spend it on something else. I said it just made me feel like youd rather me not come then stay alittle futher away so we can afford it. She said she didn't mean it like that and she was sorry. I think were all good now.
Thats all for now.. Can't wait to update ya'll on my appointment!!!
I found out that our insurance will cover all the testing and diagnostic so we plan on having the doctor rerun my blood work since it's been a few years just to check. I really want them to retest hubby. I do not think it's going to change much as it's extremely low. Remember 80% and above is normal and his HBA level was 11%. Maybe if it was like 60 or something but 11 yeah I don't have much hope. I'm ok with this as it's been almost a year and we have come to terms with it. I think having the test done again will confirm it and hubby won't have any doubt that it was a mistake or he was sick or anything.
I'm just pumped for my appointment. I have read everything I can read on IUI. So much so that I am now dreaming about reading blogs and forums. I just have so many questions about what the success rates are and what meds well use. I just want my appointment here so I have answers. Also that will be a few days closer to AF starting! (it's due next weekend)
OHH update on the wedding. I researched for a couple hours this afternoon and I found a must closer hotel (within a mile or two from my brothers new apartment but still 30/40 minutes from the wedding site). Everybody oked it so I hope I don't hear anything else about it. Overall it's about $140 more for the week but my parents said they were planning on paying for the whole rental car which I had planned on paying half of so over all thats saving us $80. My mom said was sorry she hurt my feels by saying I didnt have to come. She said I just did want you to feel pressure to come if you didn't think you had the money or you needed to spend it on something else. I said it just made me feel like youd rather me not come then stay alittle futher away so we can afford it. She said she didn't mean it like that and she was sorry. I think were all good now.
Thats all for now.. Can't wait to update ya'll on my appointment!!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Some days I hate myself
I feel the closer we get to my new RE apt the more questions I have. I think we are leaning more and more toward going ahead with DIUI.
Last night I was confirmed in my fear/decission to keep using a donor a secret. People keep asking to throw me a baby shower. Now I think this is nice and makes me feel loved and that people are on board with us adopting. However, I feel like one we don't have a baby and two we still have a lot of doors still open to us. They wouldn't let it go so I finally swore them to secretecy and told them we were still thinking about doing treatment. They thought we should. They asked questions about what we could do and so I explained donor sperm and IVF. This is when my fear was brought to light, I could never do donor sperm, that's like carrying someone else's baby blah blah blah. It just shows that this is so personal and unless youre in it you really have no say or understanding. Part of me hates myself for even telling them we were thinking about treatment. It's like at the same time when you've let the world know your infertile there is bound to be a question as to how are you pregnant once it happens. Did you her that positivity? I'm trying!
I told the hubs I was mad that I let them get to me and he said it is what it is and who cares what anybody thinks its going to be our baby when we do donor sperm. He's never once said when we do it. I feel like its actually happening. I told him later I was kinda bummed he couldnt come to my apt with me. I hadn't ever planned on him coming and then he lost his job and I was somewhat hopping maybe he'd get to come but now he'll be working which is better but ya know. He was so sweet and was like when is it. I said next wen and he goes oh I was hopping it was sooner. I feel like we've made a break thru people!!! This might actually be happening!
A few questions since my mind is working overtime this week.
If your mom had fertility twins am I more likely too? I've had one doctor say yes another no. Thoughts?
How long can you travel/fly when pregnant with one/two babies? Like at what week should you stop?
How many of you need to lose weight? I'm having such a hard time with this.
How many are open with friends or family about treatment?
I feel like I had a ton more questions last night but now I can't remember.
Last night I was confirmed in my fear/decission to keep using a donor a secret. People keep asking to throw me a baby shower. Now I think this is nice and makes me feel loved and that people are on board with us adopting. However, I feel like one we don't have a baby and two we still have a lot of doors still open to us. They wouldn't let it go so I finally swore them to secretecy and told them we were still thinking about doing treatment. They thought we should. They asked questions about what we could do and so I explained donor sperm and IVF. This is when my fear was brought to light, I could never do donor sperm, that's like carrying someone else's baby blah blah blah. It just shows that this is so personal and unless youre in it you really have no say or understanding. Part of me hates myself for even telling them we were thinking about treatment. It's like at the same time when you've let the world know your infertile there is bound to be a question as to how are you pregnant once it happens. Did you her that positivity? I'm trying!
I told the hubs I was mad that I let them get to me and he said it is what it is and who cares what anybody thinks its going to be our baby when we do donor sperm. He's never once said when we do it. I feel like its actually happening. I told him later I was kinda bummed he couldnt come to my apt with me. I hadn't ever planned on him coming and then he lost his job and I was somewhat hopping maybe he'd get to come but now he'll be working which is better but ya know. He was so sweet and was like when is it. I said next wen and he goes oh I was hopping it was sooner. I feel like we've made a break thru people!!! This might actually be happening!
A few questions since my mind is working overtime this week.
If your mom had fertility twins am I more likely too? I've had one doctor say yes another no. Thoughts?
How long can you travel/fly when pregnant with one/two babies? Like at what week should you stop?
How many of you need to lose weight? I'm having such a hard time with this.
How many are open with friends or family about treatment?
I feel like I had a ton more questions last night but now I can't remember.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Money
First I wanna say I'm blogging from my phone which I hate because I seem to always miss words. If that's the case I'm sorry but here goes.
My little brother is getting married in July in WA. I live in OK. I've been planning on attending for months. Planned on buying plane tickets wih tax return and save the rest for school an IUI. My brother is very much like me, always has a plan, ready to go months ahead of time. He was all pumped when I talked to him in AUG about hotels. After working for Hilton for so long I know the earlier you hold a room te better the price so I got on that in Aug as to save as much as possible. I researched everything within 30miles. Talked to my brother a million times before booking. No one other than my brother and I are planners so if I'd let it up to them no one would have even thought about it till June. My brother approved the location an so I booked every ones rooms. Great deal! Like $55 a night. Now it like $80 for the same hotel. I'm sure some of you are thinking $80s still good. It is, but when your trying to save money and its in the middle of no where it's only so so. All the rest I've seen are well bet $100. Plus we're staying a week. Then you have to add a rental car, eating out. You get the idea it adds up fast.
Sunday my mom asks me about the hotel because my sisters boyfriend now wants to come so we need another room. I tell her what we have and add another room and confirm ours. Then yesterday she busts out with your brother says that hotel is to ft away and we have to change it. To a town ten minutes closer. I'm sorry what. I've looked for other hotels. Sure there are some but way more money. I looked Sunday just to see when I added the extra room and it was cheaper to add an extra room then try to find a suite hotel with two rooms. I'm so annoyed because why is ten minutes worth $300? I don't understand, plus he approved this hotel before booking. I've been planning on spending X amount of money for 6 months and now you wanna change it?!
I feel like I'm being a brat. I'm my the only one in this family. They don't know we want to do IUI. They do know about hubby's job stuff and they know I dropped my classes to save money. We are ok but money is really right. We do want to do IUi now because we are sick f being derailed. I'm just annoyed because they don't care that we want a baby an that costs money, they don't even care enought that I did all the research for hotels. It just hurts my feelings.
Am I being a baby? This isn't my wedding.
My little brother is getting married in July in WA. I live in OK. I've been planning on attending for months. Planned on buying plane tickets wih tax return and save the rest for school an IUI. My brother is very much like me, always has a plan, ready to go months ahead of time. He was all pumped when I talked to him in AUG about hotels. After working for Hilton for so long I know the earlier you hold a room te better the price so I got on that in Aug as to save as much as possible. I researched everything within 30miles. Talked to my brother a million times before booking. No one other than my brother and I are planners so if I'd let it up to them no one would have even thought about it till June. My brother approved the location an so I booked every ones rooms. Great deal! Like $55 a night. Now it like $80 for the same hotel. I'm sure some of you are thinking $80s still good. It is, but when your trying to save money and its in the middle of no where it's only so so. All the rest I've seen are well bet $100. Plus we're staying a week. Then you have to add a rental car, eating out. You get the idea it adds up fast.
Sunday my mom asks me about the hotel because my sisters boyfriend now wants to come so we need another room. I tell her what we have and add another room and confirm ours. Then yesterday she busts out with your brother says that hotel is to ft away and we have to change it. To a town ten minutes closer. I'm sorry what. I've looked for other hotels. Sure there are some but way more money. I looked Sunday just to see when I added the extra room and it was cheaper to add an extra room then try to find a suite hotel with two rooms. I'm so annoyed because why is ten minutes worth $300? I don't understand, plus he approved this hotel before booking. I've been planning on spending X amount of money for 6 months and now you wanna change it?!
I feel like I'm being a brat. I'm my the only one in this family. They don't know we want to do IUI. They do know about hubby's job stuff and they know I dropped my classes to save money. We are ok but money is really right. We do want to do IUi now because we are sick f being derailed. I'm just annoyed because they don't care that we want a baby an that costs money, they don't even care enought that I did all the research for hotels. It just hurts my feelings.
Am I being a baby? This isn't my wedding.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
This and that
I am feeling so much better! Not 100% but better. Im still coughing but I don't feel like sleeping on the bathroom floor at work so I think thats a plus.
No word from the adoption agent. We are just chugging along. DH was offered a temp job. It should last at least a month. It's not the job he wants but it will be a filler while he's looking for a better one. It makes me feel better to know he'll have something and we won't be jobless.
I got an infant car seat last week. It's the one I wanted and it's got three years before it expires. Makes me feel better because then at least if we get a baby I'll have a seat. I really want a convertible one as well. I'm all about a deal and it kills me to think about buying one at the last minute because we get a call about a baby (foster or not). I just haven't brought myself to do it though, I just want to put what we can toward IUI/school.
DH and I have been talking about if we should move forward with IUI or not. We have decided to keep my apt on the 30th. The insurance lady called and they will cover all the testing just not treatment. We talked it over and think it's a good idea to redo all the blood work, SA, HBA and at least get a better game plan. Then we can decide on if we can afford IUI this month or the following. I don't foresee anything being off with me (i hope that hasn't changed) but it would be nice to retest DH and make sure they've run all the test avil to both of us.
Here are a few pic of the car seat. I'm only slightly excited to add one more thing to my I have list.
No word from the adoption agent. We are just chugging along. DH was offered a temp job. It should last at least a month. It's not the job he wants but it will be a filler while he's looking for a better one. It makes me feel better to know he'll have something and we won't be jobless.
I got an infant car seat last week. It's the one I wanted and it's got three years before it expires. Makes me feel better because then at least if we get a baby I'll have a seat. I really want a convertible one as well. I'm all about a deal and it kills me to think about buying one at the last minute because we get a call about a baby (foster or not). I just haven't brought myself to do it though, I just want to put what we can toward IUI/school.
DH and I have been talking about if we should move forward with IUI or not. We have decided to keep my apt on the 30th. The insurance lady called and they will cover all the testing just not treatment. We talked it over and think it's a good idea to redo all the blood work, SA, HBA and at least get a better game plan. Then we can decide on if we can afford IUI this month or the following. I don't foresee anything being off with me (i hope that hasn't changed) but it would be nice to retest DH and make sure they've run all the test avil to both of us.
Here are a few pic of the car seat. I'm only slightly excited to add one more thing to my I have list.
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