First I want to start by saying that I love love my family. For the more part they are supportive. They say dumb things and they don't get it but they want us to have babies and they know we have problems.
With all that said there are couple things that really just get to me. One I was reading a lovely ladies blog http://oldladynobaby.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-letter.html about how her sister donated her eggs to her and it just made me so sad because I know that my sister would never do that let alone try to be a surrogate. Not that I need either one of those (that I know of, thats scary) but it's just sad. I would do anything for her and I know we haven't always been extremely close it really hurts that she wouldn't do that for me.
Then you have my brother and you all know he's getting married in July. He finally gave her the ring today. He had to wait till she turned 18 last week. Yes she's 18! He's 22 so they aren't that far apart. I swear if I hear someone (them or parents) say they plan on getting pregnant right away I'll scream. 18 years old and want to get pregnant as soon as they get married and knowing my luck they will makes me wanna scream and cry. I know thats not fair but it's how I feel.
Not to add my mother in law thinks we shouldn't do treatment at all because what is meant to be will be. My mother telling me to be happy for other people I just wanna scream.
Now you know why I just keep treatment to myself. I just can't deal with the comments or judgement. I love them but sometimes just to much. I really really hope this works. I need this to work! I have never prayed so hard in my life. I'm so scared what will happen if this fails. I feel like I will 1000% fall apart.
Ugh I totally get the family not "getting it." My mom is pretty good. She reads my blog, but can still be a source of some major frustration for me. My little sister is getting married this May. Long story short, she's 20, and incredibly immature and selfish. She has not said one word to me since I started official treatment. Not. one. word. And I feel you, because come June, I guarantee her and her equally immature new husband, (he's 21) will be pregnant. And I honestly don't know what I will do. But I know I will have nothing to do with her after that. I have to protect my heart and she hasn't cared to even say anything to me. Ugh. Sorry for the verbal vomit-fest, but I can't put stuff like that on my blog because my mom will read it.
ReplyDeleteI'm still hoping this is it for us, and that we won't have to go down that awkward road with our families. Hugs to you!
Man, I feel bad for the both of you (Risa included) and a little guilty that I brought about some of these feelings with my letter. One thing I do want to say, is keep in mind I have been married for 15 years and am 38 years old. When we first started ttc, my sister would have never been in a place to donate her eggs or be a surrogate. She is now married and has 3 kids of her own, which makes it different circumstances. I think it would be hard to give your eggs without already having kids yourself. What if she did that, then struggled to someday have kids herself? I think that would be incredibly difficult. An egg donor needs to 100% be okay with whatever situation may develop in the future and that takes a lot of maturity. What kind of strain would that put in your relationship?
ReplyDeleteBoth of your situations sound awful and I am so sorry for that. Keep your heads up and as Dory would say (Finding Nemo) "just keep swimming." I have a lot of hope for the both of you as you are still young. You probably HATE hearing that, I'm sure, but I do feel old. I AM old in the baby making world, thus the name of my blog. I am cheering you on 100% of the way though.
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