Saturday, March 31, 2012


I don't know whats going on. I had a normal 4 day period 3/16-3/19. Then 5 days of brown spotting which is NOT normal for me. Then nothing. Then day before yesterday pink spotting, then yesterday light brown only when i whipped, then today dark brown and it's heaver. I don't get it. I've also had some period like cramping yesterday and Thursday when I was working out at the gym. None of this is normal for me, what gives? I was thinking maybe it's because I've been trying to work out more, I'm moving, maybe I'm stressed even though I don't feel it. I just don't get it! The only reason my brain is messed up is because I said something to my best friend of course she says if it were me I'd take a test but I don't wanna put that out there cause I want it to come true. That's a one in a million so thats crazy. But really what gives?!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I hate Facebook!

but I'm an addict!

Just when you thinking you've put infertility on the back burner and don't have to think about it at least for a week or two somebody goes and posts baby pictures or belly pictures or hey guess what were pregnant. Why can't I just walk away from Facebook?

Plus I don't think posting here the other day help. It just made me think about do I plan a life without kids and then again how to I plan a life without kids. Do you just play without them and if it happens you fit it in. That sounds horrible! Oh course I think about a baby almost daily, and how to save enough money. Can we afford IVF if we find a really good deal? I just wish I could shut the want off and not think about it. It would make life easier!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Tons to update

Im sorry I've been so bad about writing. So much has happened in the last couple weeks. I just haven't had time, or energy.

Like you all know we've been talking moving for awhile but hadn't decided where or if we were going to pull the trigger if you will and really leave Florida. The end of Feb was when we had to give notice to our apt and we'd been debating for the full week before as to what we were gonna do and DH being a man couldn't make up his mind and then the day rent was due he goes make sure you put in our notice. UMMM ok so were moving, yeah but I don't know where yet. Then the next day he tells me were moving to Oklahoma. Now we'd talked about it 100 times but never decided on it. Like a man once again I guess he just had to think about and mull it over for a few weeks to decide.

Keep in mind this was Feb 29th-Mar 2nd this all happened. After talking to my parents and DH and a lot of talking and back and forth we decided I'm going to fly out April 4th and stay with my parents for a month while I look for a job. Hopefully I'll find one easily. My goal is to find a job and get a house before DH gets there around May 2nd. This may not all work out and we may end up having to stay with my parents longer than we want to but I know everything will work out how it should.

I applied to school and I'm waiting to hear back. I should get in so I'm excited about that.

As you can see we are trying to focus on moving, new jobs and me going back to school rather than babies right now. I know it's going to take a lot of money, time and planning to have a family and I'm just not sure either of us are ready for that right now. Plus as much as we've talked about IVF vs donor sperm I just don't know if were really ready for either.

Why is this all so hard, I just want a baby, a nursery, a family. Oh well it'll happen!

I'll try to update as much as I can but the next few weeks are going to be super busy as I'm trying to get everything packed before I leave so DH can just work OT and clean once I'm gone.