Friday, December 30, 2011

IUI program

I have found lots of cost saving programs for IVF but never for IUI but I ran across one for IUI this week that sounds very promising.

What are your thoughts? I don't wanna get roped into anything that'll cost us.

http://www.winfertility.com/

Dear Patient:
Thank you for your interest in the WINFertilitysm Quality Discount Treatment Program. We know that for most people, having difficulty building a family is an unwelcomed surprise. Fortunately, the field of Reproductive Endocrinology has made miraculous breakthroughs over the last three decades, enabling more people than ever before to become parents. We’re proud to be long-standing contributors to the family-building efforts for thousands of people annually who have achieved a successful outcome and look forward to helping you on your path to parenthood.
WINFertility is neither a provider nor insurer of health care services. Our goal is to offer a network of qualified medical specialists and specialty pharmacies and a management program that makes the pursuit of parenthood more available and more affordable to more people who have no insurance coverage or who have exhausted their benefits. That is the very reason there is no clinical or age qualification to participate in our program. The WINFertility program offers a unique, pricing system that delivers a single, discounted rate for both quality medical treatment and medications for each treatment cycle that we call “bundles”. Our peer-reviewed, evidenced-based treatment protocols, developed over more than a dozen years, use medical procedures that have been shown to have the fastest and most direct route to having a baby. We also know that infertility treatment is complex, stressful and often confusing for patients. An important part of the WINFertility Program is the 24/7 availability of our FertilityCoach Nursessm who will help you understand your treatment options and provide oversight and support, so that you can make the very best decisions about your care.
Your WINFertility reproductive specialist is an exclusive provider of our program in your local marketplace, having attained outstanding treatment success rates, completed our thorough credentialing process and peer-review by our Medical Advisory Board. Our on-going quality review and satisfaction survey system provides patients with additional peace of mind.
Enclosed in this information packet is our program overview, financing information, enrollment form, contract details, frequently asked questions, and a contact information form. Should you have any questions, our knowledgeable Customer Service Team and FertilityCoach Nurses are available at (TOLL FREE) 1-855-705-4IVF (4483), Monday – Friday, 9 am – 7:30 pm EST, or you can email us anytime at info@win-healthcare.com
Our family looks forward to helping you achieve yours. Sincerely,
Lisa Marcus, RN, ASN
Senior Director, Clinical Services

1311 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 140 ● White Plains, NY 10605 ● TOLL FREE (855) 705-4IVF (4483)
GETTING STARTED
Four simple steps will get you started with the WINFertility Treatment Program.
 Call WINFertility toll free at 1-855-705-4IVF (4483).
 You will speak with a member of our experienced Customer Service Team. We will find out about
you, your unique situation and your needs. You will have a FREE phone consultation with one of our FertilityCoachsm Nurses, who will answer your questions and concerns about diagnosis, treatment options and your specific plan.
 We will provide an approximate cost of the Treatment Bundle (final quote will be generated when your fertility specialist determines your exact treatment and medication).
 Read the Program Terms and Conditions complete and sign the
WINFertility Enrollment Form.
Enrollment requires a $100 Registration Fee that is credited toward your first purchase of a Treatment Bundle if you become a Program Participant.
 If you are paying the Registration Fee by check or money order, send the Fee with your signed Enrollment Form to WINFertility.
 If you are paying by credit card, call 1-855-705-4IVF (4483). Send the signed Enrollment Form to WINFertility via FAX, email or regular mail.
 WIN will obtain your network fertility physician’s treatment plan.
 We will prepare an exact price quote for your initial Treatment Bundle, which will pay for medical treatments and pharmaceuticals during your first cycle.
 We will mail/email your WINFertility Program Quote and Invoice to you (typically within 3 business days). A similar process will apply for any subsequent treatment cycles you require.
 Review and sign the program quote.
 If you are paying for the Treatment Bundle Fee by check or money order, send the Fee with your
signed Program Quote to WINFertility.
 If you are paying by credit card, call 1-855-705-4IVF (4483). Send signed Program Quote to
WINFertility via FAX, Email or regular mail.
Once your payment is processed, your FertilityCoach Nurse will activate your enrollment. You would then proceed with treatments from your WINFertility physician. When your physician prescribes drugs for you, your FertilityCoach Nurse will contact the Pharmacy to facilitate the processing and shipping of your specific medications order.” QUESTIONS? Contact a member of the Customer Service Team, Monday – Friday, 9:00AM – 7:30 PM, toll free at 1-855-705-4IVF (4483).
1311 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 140 ● White Plains, NY 10605 ● TOLL FREE (855) 705-4IVF (4483)
Quality Discount Treatment Program
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
What are the advantages of ‘bundles’?
As infertility treatment is so complex, determining actual costs have been a confusing experience for patients. Because the WINFertility Program consolidates the costs into treatment packages or ‘bundles’, patients have a simpler way to approach and decide on infertility treatments. Discounts of up to 50% off unbundled treatments and medications and pricing predictability offer patients additional peace of mind while pursuing their dreams of building a family.
Why are your prices less expensive than other programs?
WIN is the only Infertility Management Services company that contracts directly with drug manufacturers, specialty pharmacies and Board Certified Fertility Specialists on a large scale that covers thousands of patients annually. We are now able to pass along the volume discount savings and specific dosing management savings directly to patients in the form of single, discounted packages we call bundles. Even if patients require more than one cycle, our WINFertility Treatment Program bundles are less expensive.
I’m 44 years old----do I qualify for your program?
The WINFertility Program is designed to provide greater access to all who require high-quality infertility treatment. There are no clinical or age qualifications to participate. If one of our network physicians determines that you need treatment and you have no insurance coverage, you can enroll in our Program.
Can I just buy the medications through you? Or, can I just get the
treatment through you?
Unfortunately, we cannot separate the treatments from the medications. It is because we bundle both treatment and medications together that we are able to negotiate directly with drug manufacturers, pharmacy distributors and physician practices to keep our costs down and pass along the savings to patients in the form of extremely low pricing.
I am already in treatment with another practice. Can I use your program at my current fertility practice?
WIN signs an exclusive contract with a single practice in a geographic area to offer our WINFertility Program. In order to take advantage of the offer, you would have to be treated by one of our network physicians. Depending where you are in your treatment, it may not be difficult to switch at this point in time. One of our FertilityCoach Nurses can discuss your current situation and provide you with clinical answers that can help you make that decision.
1311 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 140 ● White Plains, NY 10605 ● TOLL FREE (855) 705-4IVF (4483)
Do you have a fertility clinic near me?
We are working aggressively to expand our network nationally. If we do not currently have a practice that is commutable or convenient for you, we may be able to make your location a priority for our Provider Network Expansion Team.
Speak to a member of our Customer Service Team for more information.
How is the WINFertility Program different from the multi-cycle treatment plans
with refunds?
The multi-cycle treatment plans that exist today require that you meet certain medical and age criteria to participate and that you pay cash for the program. WINFertility is open to all who require infertility treatment and who have no infertility insurance coverage.
Multi-cycle plans require a significant payment up front for medical treatment only (medication costs run an additional $2,500 - $10,000). The multi-cycle plan costs more than 2 1⁄2 times the charges for a single, bundled attempt with WINFertility (which includes all medications for the cycle).
With the multi-cycle plans, patients may get up to 6 medical treatment attempts for that price (medications extra). If you don’t have a pregnancy or a baby, you receive a partial refund. If you have a successful outcome, you have paid that significantly higher price (approx. 2 1⁄2 times the WINFertility bundled price, medications included).
Multi-cycle plans may be a sensible choice for those who would like a type of ‘insurance plan’, in case they need another IVF attempt. However, with IVF success rates in the 50-70% range, multi- cycle plans might not be the best financial decision for every patient.
The WINFertility Program offers ‘pay as you go’ packages that include treatment and medications and are up to 50% less than the unbundled rates. Should you require another attempt, our discounted packages are still more affordable than paying for multiple cycles that you may never need.
I have some insurance coverage, but it is all so confusing. Can I just submit my bill from you to my insurance company and see what they’ll pay?
The WINFertility Program was developed specifically for people who have no insurance coverage for infertility treatment and for those who have already exhausted their benefits. You will need to investigate your coverage and contact your insurance carrier to learn exactly what treatment and medications your company has elected to cover. Once you have determined what is covered and what isn’t, enrolling in our program is easy and very cost effective.
The WINFertility Program is for cash-paying patients only. It is part of how we are able to negotiate such deep discounts with our physicians, pharmacies and drug manufacturers and pass the savings on to our patients. Participating enrollees must pay in advance for our discount bundles. This component is another way we’re able to negotiate prices that are most favorable to you. So, your best approach is to find out what your insurance is willing to cover, have those treatments paid by your insurance carrier and if you still require treatment and medications, WINFertility is your best option.
1311 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 140 ● White Plains, NY 10605 ● TOLL FREE (855) 705-4IVF (4483)
PAYMENT AND PRICING
SIMPLER, DISCOUNTED PRICING
The WINFertility Program uses an innovative pricing approach to simplify the process for patients to make decisions about treatments, medications and costs. We did this by using evidence-based treatment protocols to create “Treatment Bundles” that, for a single discounted price, include the medical treatments and appropriate medication dosages recommended by your fertility specialist for a single treatment cycle.
Bundled pricing enables us to directly contract with drug manufacturers, pharmacies and fertility specialists and pass along these volume discounts to our patients at costs that are up to 50% less than unbundled fee- for-service and retail pharmacy rates.
COST COMPARISON
National Cycle Costs vs. WINFertility Bundle
2011 U.S. average cost per ‘typical’ IVF cycle1 Typical WINFertility Bundle Rate2
WINFertility Patient Savings ($) WINFertility Patient Savings (%)
$ 18,574 $ 11,800
$ 6,774 36.5%
1Source: ASRM study, internal market research via phone and website posting.
2 Prices include all treatments and medications for a single cycle. Your actual cost for the Treatment Bundle(s) you require will be quoted after enrollment in the Program and receipt of treatment plan from the fertility specialist.
CONVENIENT PAYMENT OPTIONS Check
 Enrollees paying by check qualify for the Cash Discount, equal to approximately 2.5% off the Treatment Bundle price.
 Cashiers’ checks and money orders enable treatment to commence immediately.
 Personal checks or check pay-by-phone require 5 business days to clear before treatment may
commence.
Credit Card Payment
 WIN accepts MasterCard, VISA, Discover or American Express.
 Credit Card Payments enable treatment to commence immediately. Financing
 Through a partnership with CitiBank, WIN Enrollees can conveniently finance their treatment
with options including secured loans with a preferred discount and unsecured loans with a
preferred discount.
 To learn more, call the WINFertility CitiBank Account Director at 1-866-422-1432.
1311 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 140 ● White Plains, NY 10605 ● TOLL FREE (855) 705-4IVF (4483)
Banking with rewards.
Take your banking relationship to a whole new confidence level.
As a WIN Fertility client, you’ll have access to great banking and lending solutions offered by Citibank through a special program:
■ A Citibank® Account Package with no monthly service or non Citibank ATM fees when you sign up for direct deposit.1
■ Access to a full range of loans and lines of credit
• 1% discount on the APR for Personal Loans2
• 0.1% discount on the variable APR for a Home Equity Line of Credit3
■ Online, telephone and ATM4 access to funds and account information For more information on how to start a relationship with Citibank,
call (866) 422-1432 today.
Terms, conditions, and fees for accounts, products, programs and services are subject to change.
1
2
3
4
As a WIN Fertility client, the monthly service fee and non-Citibank ATM fee are waived for a regular checking account opened in the Citibank Account Package with a monthly direct deposit to the account. Otherwise a monthly service fee of $20.00, and a $2.00 non-Citibank ATM fee, will be charged when minimum balance requirements are not met. All accounts subject to approval. Charges for other account-related services apply. Fees charged by other institutions for your transactions on non-Citibank ATMs are beyond Citibank’s control and are in addition to the fees listed here.
Rates quoted as of 09/09/2011. As a WIN Fertility client, your Annual Percentage Rate (APR) may be as low as 9.49% APR or as high as 24.49% APR. To qualify for the lowest rate, customers must use Citibank Auto Deduct (an automated monthly debit from a Citibank deposit account) for repayment and have a good credit history. If you are in default, your APR may increase by 2.00%. If you borrow $5,000 for 5 years at 9.49% APR, to repay your loan you will have to make 60 monthly payments of approximately $104.98. No down payment is required. To qualify for a Personal Loan, you must have a one month tenure on a Citibank deposit account or a linked CitiMortgage / Citi Credit Card. Loans subject to credit approval.
Rates quoted as of 09/09/2011. As a WIN Fertility client, your Variable Annual Percentage Rate (APR) can be as low as Prime plus 1.64% (currently 4.89% variable APR) and as high as Prime plus 5.89% (currently 9.14% variable APR). For FL and NV properties, Variable APR can be as low as Prime plus 2.14% (currently 5.39% variable APR) and as high as Prime plus 5.89% (currently 9.14% variable APR). For IL properties, Variable APR can be as low as Prime plus 1.39% (currently 4.64% variable APR) and as high as Prime plus 5.89% (currently 9.14% variable APR). To qualify for the lowest rate, customers must use Citibank Auto Deduct (an automatic monthly debit from a Citibank deposit account) for repayment, must meet relationship balance requirements, have a good credit history, meet certain loan-to-value and lien position conditions, and take an initial draw of at least $25,000 at closing. Additional rate discounts may apply. The variable APR is indexed to the Prime Rate as published in the “Money Rates” section of The Wall Street Journal. Maximum APR is 18%. Annual Fee: $50 (not applicable if collateral property is located in TX.) Customers who elect to pay closing costs will receive an additional 0.25% rate reduction. Closing costs can range from approximately $341 to $17,267, except in NY where they can range from approximately $396 to $24,277. Closing costs may vary based upon the line amount, property location and title insurance required. An Early Closure Release Fee may be charged to recover all costs incurred in originating your loan and may apply if you close your account within 36 months (not applicable if collateral property is located in TX.) Property insurance and the fee to release an existing mortgage may be required. Certain limitations apply. Loans subject to credit approval. Rates are subject to change without notice. Applicable for loan sizes up to $1 million. No third lien positions. Home Equity Lines of Credit are available to U.S. residents only. Not available for collateral properties located in Alaska. Not available for investment properties. During the draw period, (i.e., the first 5 years of repayment) your monthly minimum payments can be as low as “interest only,” giving you the flexibility to pay more when you desire. If you choose to pay only the amount of interest due, then at the end of the interest only period you will still owe the original amount you borrowed and your monthly payments will increase because you must pay back the principal as well as interest. Your payment could increase even more if your variable rate increases.
Restrictions may apply.
©2011 Citibank. Citibank, N.A. Member FDIC and Equal Housing Lender. Citi, Citibank, and Citibank with Arc Design are registered service marks of Citigroup Inc. CAW-WIN (9/11)

ENROLLMENT FORM and CONTRACT
WINFertility, Inc.sm (“WIN”) is pleased to offer to you the services of our WINFertilitysm Quality Discount Treatment Program (“Program”). Under the Program, WIN will offer you bundles of medical services and drugs (“Bundles”) that will be provided to you by independent physicians (“WINFertility Physicians”) and pharmacies that participate in our Program. In most cases, each single Bundle will provide all of the medical and pharmacy services you require for a single treatment cycle.
To purchase each Bundle your doctor recommends, you will pay to WIN a single flat price. Depending on tests your doctor will use to determine how well you will respond to infertility medications, the costs of your Bundles will vary. However, Bundles do not cover your entire cost of infertility care. There will be tests, including tests necessary for your physician to determine the recommended Bundle, as well as additional services your doctor recommends, that are not included in Bundles. Bundles do not include any hospital costs, costs of hospital-based providers, or the fees charged by any physicians other than your WINFertility Physician. A given Bundle will only apply to one treatment cycle, and the price you pay will only provide you with drugs and services specifically included in the Bundle. If you need additional doses of a drug covered by the Bundle for that cycle, you will have to buy an additional, lesser cost Patient Monitoring Bundle that will provide the additional drugs and related medical-monitoring services. If you need infertility services or drugs for another treatment cycle, you will need to purchase another Bundle. If you need services or drugs that are not available through a Bundle, you will have to arrange payment directly with your physician practice.
With the WINFertility Program the price you will pay for each Bundle will reflect a significant discount off of the cash retail price uninsured patients would normally pay for the services and drugs included in that Bundle. WIN will pay your doctor and pharmacy for all services and drugs included in the Bundle that they provide to you. Except for the initial purchase price of the Bundle, no co-pays or other out-of-pocket costs will apply to services or drugs in WINFertility’s Bundles.
Please carefully read the Disclosures made below, as well as the attached Terms and Conditions and Descriptions of Bundles. To enroll in the Program, please complete, submit and sign this Enrollment Form.
DISCLOSURES
 A Bundle applies to only one treatment cycle.
 Purchase of a Bundle is payment only for those drugs and infertility services specifically included in
the Bundle. If you need additional drugs or services, you will have to purchase an additional, lesser cost Patient Monitoring Bundle, or for services or drugs not available through Bundles, pay the provider on an out-of-pocket, fee-for-service basis.
 WIN is not an insurer, and the Program does not constitute insurance. WIN only arranges for you to receive the services and drugs that are included in the Bundles you purchase.
 WIN is not a provider of medical services or a dispenser of pharmaceuticals. WINFertility Physicians are not WIN’s employees, but are private practicing physicians who join our provider network as independent contractors. WIN is a facilitator that arranges for certain services and pharmaceuticals for its Enrollees, often at a discounted rate. WIN does not carry professional malpractice insurance, and does not direct or control the WINFertility Physicians’ professional medical judgment.
 WIN pays contracted WINFertility Physicians and WINFertility Pharmacies from the price you pay for the Bundle. WIN retains a portion of the price you pay for the Bundle as compensation from you for WIN’s administration of the Program.
 Your physician may determine that the services or drugs offered in the Bundles are not right for you. In that case, you will need to arrange for your infertility care directly with your physician.
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

Section 1. Enrollee Information
Name (including MI): _________________________________________________________________ Address: ____________________________________________________________________________ City: ______________________________________ State: ___________________ Zip: __________ Date of Birth: _______________________________ Primary Phone: ___________________________ Alternate Phone: _____________________________
Email Address: _______________________________________________________________________ Preferred means of contact above: ________________________________________________________ Alternative Contact: ___________________________________________________________________
Section 2. Certification of No Infertility Insurance Coverage (check one)
Enrollee has no health care insurance at this time.
Enrollee’s health care insurance does not cover either medical care or drugs for infertility. Enrollee has exhausted her health care insurance for both infertility medical services and drugs.
Section 3. Payment of Non-refundable Enrollment Fee: $100.00, which will be credited to the purchase of your first Bundle.
Payment Information:
Check (enclosed) Money Order (enclosed)
Credit Card: Please call TOLL FREE 1-855-705-4IVF (4483).
Before signing this enrollment form, please carefully read the attached Terms and Conditions. By signing this form, Enrollee agrees that the attached Terms and Conditions are expressly made a part of this enrollment form, and that together they will form the terms of a binding contract between Enrollee and WIN. Contract for enrollment in the Program will be confirmed when a fully signed copy of this form is returned to you by WIN.
Enrollee’s Signature__________________________________________Date: ______________
TO BE COMPLETED BY WINFertility:
Enrollment Accepted, effective: ____________________ (“Effective Date”)
WINFertility Physician Group: ______________________________________________ SIGNATURE: WINFERTILITY, INC.
____________________________________________________
This contract may be executed in any number of counterparts, each of which when so executed shall be deemed an original and all of which together will constitute one and the same instrument, binding upon all parties hereto, notwithstanding that all of such parties may not have executed the same counterpart. Delivery by facsimile or electronic mail of an executed counterpart of a signature page to this contract shall be effective as delivery of an original executed counterpart of this contract.
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

Terms and Conditions of Program Contract
Enrollee and WIN agree as follows:
1. Enrollment. Enrollee hereby enrolls in WINFertilitysm Quality Discount Treatment Program (“Program”). The terms, conditions and costs that apply to the Program are described below.
2. Description of Program.
A. Each Enrollee in the Program will have the opportunity to purchase WIN’s infertility service bundles (“Bundles”). Each Bundle will provide Enrollee with medical infertility treatments from a Reproductive Endocrinologist who is an independent contract with WIN to participate in the WINFertility network (the “WINFertility Physician”) and drugs prescribed in conjunction with infertility treatments from a specialty pharmacy in the WINFertility network (the “WINFertility Pharmacy”). By packaging the medical and pharmacy care into Bundles, Enrollee will pay less than the standard retail market price for the same bundle of services. To participate in the Program, Enrollee must accept and pay for each Bundle in advance. However, Enrollee will never be obligated to make any additional purchases from WIN. Enrollee may elect to stop purchasing Bundles at any time, although payments for Bundles already purchased will not be refunded. Unless an additional Bundle is purchased after Enrollee’s previous Bundles are exhausted, Enrollee will leave the Program and become solely responsible for arranging and paying for any infertility treatments Enrollee may elect to have. However, Enrollee may elect to re-enter the Program at any time, with no additional Enrollment Fee.
B. Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician will recommend the Bundle(s) that Enrollee requires. In most cases, each single Bundle will provide all of the medical and pharmacy services that are required for a single treatment cycle. However, because this is not an insurance program, WIN must place a maximum limit on the services and drugs included in each Bundle. Therefore, on occasion Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician may determine that an additional or supplementary Bundle is required for completion of a given cycle. In addition, Bundles do not include all of the services that Enrollee will need (see “What is Excluded from Bundles,” below). Enrollee understands that (i) the Program does not provide medical insurance and only provides the specific set of services that the Enrollee pays for, (ii) Enrollee will be responsible for paying in advance for each Bundle that Enrollee requires, and (iii) Enrollee will also be responsible for paying separately for any services that are not included in the Bundle that Enrollee purchases.
3. What is Included in a Bundle. The medical services and drugs included in each Bundle are described on Attachment A. WIN reserves the right to change the number, composition or price of Bundles at any time, which changes shall be effective without prior notice. However, except for delays caused by cancelled cycles, no change will affect any Bundle that Enrollee has already purchased.
4. What is Excluded from Bundles. Enrollee understands that services not expressly listed in the description of a Bundle are excluded, and are not covered by Enrollee’s payment for that Bundle. Excluded services (that Enrollee will be required to receive and pay for separately) also include, but are not limited to: (a) Prescreening tests; (b) anesthesia; (c) hospital charges (rare, but may be incurred in the rare event an admission is needed for a complication of medications or medical procedures such as infection, bleeding or severe ovarian hyper- stimulation syndrome); (d) medical and facility costs of surgical procedures, such as operative laparoscopy, D&C, cyst aspiration, that are not in-vitro fertilization procedures; (e) if donor sperm
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

is being used, the cost of the samples; (f) if donor eggs are being used, all charges for recruiting, screening, including any fees paid directly to the donor (if applicable); and (g) cryopreservation and storage of embryos. If Enrollee requires any such excluded services, Enrollee will be required to separately pay the charges of the provider of such excluded services directly to the provider. Excluded services are not part of the Program, and will not be arranged or paid for by WIN.
5. How the Program Will Work.
A. Selection of WINFertility Physician. Upon acceptance of Enrollee’s enrollment in the Program, WIN will facilitate Enrollee’s selection of a compatible WINFertility Physician. If Enrollee was referred to the Program by a WINFertility Physician, Enrollee will remain under that WINFertility Physician’s care.
B. Arranging for Testing (cost not included in Program). Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician will provide an initial workup and develop Enrollee’s personalized treatment plan. The workup will, at the outset, include a number of basic tests that will be needed for both partners. Some additional testing may be required in specific situations and/or between treatment cycles. The cost of testing is not included in the Program or any Bundle, and it is the responsibility of the Enrollee to pay the provider directly at the time of testing.
C. Medical and Pharmaceutical Infertility Treatments. Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician will determine the Bundle for the initial infertility treatment cycle and each subsequent treatment cycle that is recommended for Enrollee based on Enrollee’s test results and diagnosis. Before each cycle begins, WINFertility will send a Bundle Purchase Statement that specifies the Bundle determined by the WINFertility Physician, and includes an Invoice for the price of the Bundle. Enrollee must sign and return the Bundle Purchase Statement, together with payment (or credit card authorization) to WIN before the WINFertility Physician will commence the treatment cycle. All payments for Bundles under the Program must be made only to WIN, and not to the WINFertility Physician or WINFertility Pharmacy. WIN will not give any credit or otherwise have responsibility for payments for treatments or drugs included in a Bundle, if the payment is made to the physician, pharmacy or anyone other than directly to WIN. WIN will pay Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician and the WINFertility Pharmacy directly for all services and drugs included in the Bundle that are provided to Enrollee during the cycle. Enrollee will not be charged any co-pays or other out-of-pocket costs for services that are included in the Bundle purchased by Enrollee.
D. Cancelled/Delayed Cycles. Treatment cycles are cancelled on occasion, which may be for medical or other reasons. If Enrollee has purchased a Bundle and that cycle is cancelled, that unused Bundle may (if suitable) be used later if the cancelled cycle is rescheduled. Should Enrollee delay using a purchased Bundle due to a cancelled cycled or for any other reason, Enrollee will be responsible for any increase in Bundle prices that occurs during the period of such delay. WIN does not guarantee that it will be able to arrange for the services or drugs included in such Bundle if the Bundle is not fully used within ninety (90) days after it was purchased, in which case WIN shall have the right to cancel the unused portion of the Bundle. Subject to WINFertility’s Cancellation Policy in effect from time to time, WIN will credit the Enrollee for the unused portion of the medical services and drugs included in a purchased Bundle if (i) a cancelled cycle is not rescheduled, (ii) the Bundle was already partially used during the cancelled cycle, (iii) the Bundle is not appropriate for the rescheduled cycle, or (iv) WIN cancels a Bundle that was not fully used within 90 days of purchase. However, no credit will be given for drugs that were dispensed or services of the WINFertility Physician that occurred prior to the cancellation.
6. Limitations. WIN facilitates Enrollee to obtain necessary medical care from their WINFertility Physician and infertility drugs from the WINFertility Pharmacy. Neither WIN nor WINFertility provide professional medical services or pharmacy services, and no physician-patient relationship is created between Enrollee and WINFertility by this Agreement. Enrollee
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

shall address all Program medical questions, and seek all Program medical services exclusively from the WINFertility Physician, who shall be solely responsible for Enrollee’s infertility medical care under the Program. Enrollee acknowledges that (a) WINFertility and WIN do not employ the WINFertility Physicians, who are independently contracted physicians maintaining their own private practices and malpractice insurance and, therefore, (B) WINFertility and WIN do not carry malpractice insurance.
7. No Guarantees. Enrollee understands and agrees that neither WIN nor any WINFertility Physician makes any representation or guarantee that treatments under the Program will be successful in enabling Enrollee to become pregnant or achieve any other goals that may apply to treatments. All medical services, including those facilitated by WIN Fertility and WIN, entail risks. Enrollee agrees to discuss all aspects of care with the WINFertility Physician as part of the informed consent process. Enrollee agrees that neither WIN nor WINFertility is responsible for obtaining informed consent for treatments, and that all treatment decisions shall be made solely by Enrollee in conjunction with consultations with Enrollee’s WINFertility Physician.
8. Representations. Enrollee represents and warrants the she (and her spouse/partner, if applicable) has received a fair and reasonable explanation of the Program, understands how the Program will operate and the cost for which Enrollee will be responsible, and has had an opportunity to discuss the Program with a WIN or WINFertility representative and to have all Enrollee’s questions fully answered. Enrollee understands that the Program is only available to persons who have no coverage for infertility services under a health plan, or who have exhausted any such coverage. Enrollee represents that no such coverage exists as of the date of this Agreement. Enrollee specifically understands and agrees that having indemnity coverage that pays infertility benefits to the Enrollee is a violation of the Terms and Conditions of the Program, and that the WINFertility Physician will have no obligation to provide any information that would enable Enrollee to submit claims for any such non-disclosed insurance. If in the future Enrollee becomes covered for infertility treatments by a health plan, Enrollee shall notify WINFertility, and Enrollee’s enrollment in the Program will terminate. However, no refund for any Bundle purchased by Enrollee will be made. Enrollee has read and understands all the Disclosures made on the first page of the Enrollment Form, and acknowledges and agrees that all such Disclosures are part of the Terms and Conditions of the Program contract.
9. Miscellaneous. This Agreement -- consisting of the Enrollee’s Enrollment Form, these Terms and Conditions, and Attachment A -- contains the entire agreement between the parties related to the subject matter hereof, and supersedes any prior written or verbal understanding related thereto. This Agreement is solely between WIN and Enrollee, and does not make any other person a beneficiary hereof with contractual rights against WIN. Enrollee shall indemnify and hold harmless WIN from any claim (including legal fees and costs) brought by any third party arising from Program services or any other services under this Agreement. This Agreement can be changed only with a written amendment signed by both Enrollee and WIN. This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of ___________ (enter state where Physician is located), without giving effect to its choice-of-laws or conflict-of-laws principles. No presumption based on which party drafted this Agreement shall be applied in determining either party’s rights hereunder. Disputes arising out of this Agreement shall be brought exclusively in a court of proper jurisdiction located in _____________________ (enter county and state where Physician is located). Under no circumstances shall WIN be liable to Enrollee for punitive, exemplary, indirect or special damages.
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

Attachment A WINFertility Bundle Inclusions
IVF Cycle Bundles
Medical Services in Bundles
 Transvaginal gyn ultrasounds
 Estradiol
 FSH
 Progesterone
 hCG/ pregnancy tests
 Oocyte retrieval
 Oocyte retrieval ultrasonic guidance
 Oocyte identification from follicular fluid
 Sperm wash
 Insemination of oocytes
 Culture of oocyte(s) / embryo(s)
 Assisted embryo hatching, microtechniques (any method)
 Preparation of embryo for transfer
 Embryo transfer
 ICSI
Medications in Bundles
You may receive some or all of the medications based on your Physician’s treatment plan.
 Leuprolide
 Follistim AQ
 Pregnyl
 Progesterone
 Ganirelix/Antagon
 Menopur
 Ovidrel
 Endometrin
As needed:
 Clomiphene Citrate
 Tetracycline
 Doxycycline
 Generic Zpack
 Generic Estrace
 Medrol
 Aspirin
 Needles
 Syringes
 Alcohol Swabs
 Sharps Container
Note: Physician chooses suppression type (e.g. Leuprolide or Ganirelix), trigger agent (e.g. Pregnyl or Ovidrel) and luteal support (Endometrin or Progesterone). Based on your reaction to the medications, your physician may indicate you require additional medication doses. As a result, you may incur additional charges if the amount exceeds the maximum dosages included in the prescribed bundled package.
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

Attachment A WINFertility Bundle Inclusions
IUI Cycle Bundles
Medical Services in Bundles
 Transvaginal gyn ultrasounds
 Estradiol
 FSH
 Progesterone
 hCG/pregnancy tests
 Intra-uterine insemination
Medications in Bundles
You may receive some or all of the medications based on your Physician’s treatment plan.
 Follistim AQ
 Menopur
 Pregnyl
 Ovidrel
As needed:
 Clomiphene Citrate
 Tetracycline
 Doxycycline
 Generic Zpack
 Generic Estrace
 Medrol
 Aspirin
 Needles
 Syringes
 Alcohol Swabs
 Sharps Container
Note: Physician chooses trigger agent (e.g. Pregnyl or Ovidrel).
medications, your physician may indicate you require additional medication doses. As a result, you may incur additional charges if the amount exceeds the maximum dosages included in the prescribed bundled package.
Based on your reaction to the
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

Attachment A WINFertility Bundle Inclusions
Frozen Embryo Transfer Cycle Bundles
Medical Services in Bundles
 Transvaginal gyn ultrasounds
 Estradiol
 Progesterone
 Thawing of cryopreserved embryo(s)
 Preparation of embryo for transfer
 Embryo transfer
Medications in Bundles
You may receive some or all of the medications based on your Physician’s treatment plan.
 Endometrin
 Progesterone
As needed:
 Generic Estrace
 Needles
 Syringes
 Alcohol Swabs
 Sharps Container
NOTE: Based on your reaction to the medications, your physician may indicate you require additional medication doses. As a result, you may incur additional charges if the amount exceeds the maximum dosages included in the prescribed bundled package.
Form DC-EFC - rev. 09/26/2011

CYCLE CANCELLATION POLICY
Certain variables within the fertility treatment cycle (including over-response or under-response to the medications) may require the cycle to be cancelled. Management (including cancellation) of your cycle is determined solely between you and your physician, based on the criteria your physician uses during the cycle monitoring process to determine a treatment cycle that is safe and as effective as possible for you.
WIN’s Cancellation Policy applies to the following six situations, each of which depends on the Treatment Bundle you have purchased and the timing of the cancellation.
 Cancelled at baseline (IUI Bundle). This type of cancellation is done prior to the patient taking any stimulation medications and typically occurs because of an elevated hormone level or ovarian cyst discovered during the initial cycle monitoring (e.g., lab test or ultrasound).
 Cancelled after medication (IUI Bundle). This type of cancellation is done after your medication has been started and is typically necessitated because of an over- or under-response to the medications.
 Cancelled at baseline (IVF Bundle). This type of cancellation is done prior to the patient taking any stimulation medications and typically occurs because of an elevated hormone level or ovarian cyst discovered during the initial cycle monitoring (e.g., lab test or ultrasound).
 Cancelled before retrieval but after medication (IVF Bundle). This type of cancellation is done after your medication has been started and typically occurs because of either an over- or under-response to the medications.
 Cancelled after the retrieval (IVF Bundle). This type of cancellation is done, for example, when there has been no transfer after retrieval due to poor or no fertilization of the oocytes or hyper-stimulation of the ovaries.
 Cancelled frozen embryo transfer (FET Bundle). This type of cancellation is done, for example, when there has been no transfer due to poor endometrial response to the medication or failure of the embryos to survive the thawing process.
For any of the above six types of cancellations, you may elect to receive either a refund or a credit toward the next cycle. If the cost-effective credit is selected, the unused portion of the Treatment Bundle you purchased, less a minimal processing fee, will be applied to the cost of the Treatment Bundle for your next cycle. If you elect to receive a refund, the unused portion of the Treatment Bundle you purchased, less an administrative fee, will be refunded to you, but you would need to pay the full price of the required Treatment Bundle for any future cycle arranged by WINFertility.
Whether you choose a credit or a refund, the unused portion of the Treatment Bundle you purchased will be determined by WINFertility, based on outcome-of-service information provided by your WINFertility Physician. WINFertility will pay Network Physicians and/or Pharmacies directly for their respective services, and will then notify you of your credit or pay refunds, as applicable, in most cases within 7 days after receipt of the physician’s information. Refunds will be paid in the same method of payment you used to pay WIN, e.g. check, credit card, etc. Refunds or credits for any cancellation or withdrawal from the Program that is not covered by one of the six situations described above are at WINFertility’s sole discretion.


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Does this apply to infertility?

I've been watching this movie Facing the Giants. It's made by the same people that made Fireproof. Anyways there was a guy on there that said do you really think I still have work to do here and he said yes or God would have taken you from the place and he said well I've been praying and praying ad I just don't see anything happening. The old man said to him I was once told a story of two farmers that were in moving into a drought and both prayed and prayed for rain but only one went out to his field and prepared the ground for the rain, now who do you really think believed God was going to send the rain?

This has got me thinking I know that infertility is a whole new beast and all but could this apply to us? Some of you may or may not believe in God but I know I sure do and I've always believed he'd bless us....at some point, but did I really believe? I sure don't have any baby clothes or a crib or anything, do I really have faith?

I really want to hear your thoughts!!!

Oh and Merry Christmas!!

I'm back

I've been back from the army for about a month and I kept thinking about writing and then just didn't. I guess I almost felt like writing meant we were really diving back into infertility and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. Even though we are trying again. I know thats dumb but there you have it.

A little back ground on the past four months. I went to the Army and it went well for awhile and then I got hurt. I messed up my knee and after crouches and the army not caring if you hurt, I ended with fractures in my ankles, feet and shins and an over use injury in my knees and hips. After 9 weeks of injury, doctor apts, pain and everything else I was medically discharged.

Now I'm home and were adjusting to a new normal. Chris graduated right before I left and so he's looking for a job with his BA. Lordwilling hell have a new job by the time April rolls around when our lease ends. I'm so ready to get out of Florida. We need the insurance to so we can move forward with IUI. I just want a "normal" life. Ya know the 9-5 job and not this crazy stuff my husband works now.

Anyways were back to trying on our own and seeing where that leads us. I kinda think maybe since I'm thinner and were both healthier that'll help in some way but I might be crazy. Were also both taking fertiliaid so well see.

Monday, June 27, 2011

New Blog

Since we are placing a hold on trying for a baby. Clearly! I have started a 2nd blog about my journey to becoming an Army solider.

I still read all your blogs and check in but it's to painful to think about babies or talk about our plans for trying later. In the mean time I want to keep you all updated on my life and such so thus the new blog.

Ousoonerarmychick.blogspot.com

Hope your all check in.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I suck

at updating lately. There is so much going on that I want to tell you guys about but I just ind myself getting busy and just well not.

I finally annouced to the world that I joined the army. Were at 89 days till I leave. Less than three months. How did that happen?! DH decided that he wants to get his masters or start it at least so he's moving to San Antonio. Well were moving there at the end of July and then he'll be there while I'm in basic in MO. My AIT is in San Antonio so if I get lucky and get any weekends or time off I'll get to see my honey which will be nice. I flew ou there last week and found an apartment. Just need to get some paperwork from the army and then it'll just come down to getting approved.

Work is going ok. My bosses know I'm leaving and they seem to be supportive. They are still on the crazy side. My lastest drama is the dad doesn't want to let the poor kid nap!!! Just today don't let her sleep much cause she slept 11 hours last night. Umm she needs like 16 hrs a day at 4 months old. If she takes a two hour nap in the morning and apartnoon and 20 here and there she'll be getting that. Chill out! It kills me! He says dumb stuff like this all the time and I just don't listen. I'm not gonna wake the baby, it's not like shes under weight and needs to eat. AHHH

Packing is well not happening. I'm workin untill the very last mintue. Litarly I'm working the day the moving guys come. I'm crazy I know, but what do you do when you have no money. LOL

Hope yall are doing well. I have been reading even though I don't comment alot. Love you guys!!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Busy Busy

Life has been so busy lately!

DH graduated, we had two parties for him since his parents are divorced and can't handle one party.

We both have started our summer A class (we are both short one class to graduate).

I've worked a ton of extra hours the past two weeks.

I'm really really hoping things will slow down now. Yeah right. I have a ton of school work to get done today.

I've been cramping alot the past couple days which freaks me out. I'd love to be pregnant don't get me wrong, we've tried for so long but now I'm about to leave for the army and DH hasn't found a job yet and yeah you see where this is going. Anyways i tested today and Neg, but my cycle is all sorts of crazy so who knows.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Feeling alittle overwhelmed.

I feel like there is so much going on in my life right now and everything is happening so fast. I kinda feel alittle freaked out. We all wait and wait and wait for things to happen and I'm so use to nothing going right and things always staying the same that the fact that everything is about to change in a matter of a summer is so SCARY!

Ok heres whats going on the next few months.

4/29 - last day of classes!!!!
4/30 - Graduation pictures then surprise DH graduation party. This has been the hardest secret to keep ever!!!!

May
5/4 - Finals
5/5 - DH Graduation
5/7 - DH moms graduation party (she wouldn't let me be involved, let alone have anyone from his dads side of the family there so we have to have two. So DUMB!!!)
5/9 - Summer Classes start for DH and I. We both have to take one summer A class to graduate. He just gets to walk in May since he's so close.
5/9-5/20 - The husband of the parents I work for will be out of town so I'll be working an extra 15 hrs both weeks.

June
6/2-6/4 - I fly to San Antonio to find an apartment. Well have a firm move date then. YAY
6/24 - Final for Summer class!! This means DH has BA and I have my AA! YAY
6/23-7/4 - The husband will be out of town again so another extra 15 hrs both weeks.

July
7/8 - I think this will be my last day of work however it depends on our move date, nor I have I told them I'm quitting.
7/11 - Tentive day the movers are coming
7/12 - Finishing any cleaning and head to San Antonio
7/18 - Movers deliever our stuff

Aug
8/1 DH birthday

Sep
9/5 - Stay in hotel
9/6 - Ship to MO for basic

Now you can see why i'm kinda freaking out. I hope that after spring classes end things will lighten up, even if it's only because DH won't have to drive an hour to and from school two days a week and will be home to help clean and cook and stuff.

Theres so much about to change and I know it's for the best but it's scary. Theres just so much to do, that list, plus packing and working and finishing school and I still have to hit the gym at least four times a week. I know it'll just be crazy for a little while and then well be moved and I'll have 6 weeks off to just spend with DH and relax and really train and be ready to leave for basic.

Thanks for letting me freak out. I know mines nothing compaired to some of you that are expecting twins or triplets and stuff but it's my reality right now.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Busted! You got pregnant once so I'm sure it'll happen again!

NOT!

I had a feeling we'd have problems. My mom had alot of infertility problems so I kinda knew there was a good chance I would have problems as well. Because of that DH and I chose to start trying pretty much right after we got married. To our surprise I got pregnant month two. I'll never forget DH face and he was like I thought you said it might take awhile, this hasn't been awhile.

As most of you know that pregnancy ended at 5w4d. Of course because we got pregnant so fast everybody says well you got pregnant so you'll get pregnant again. Even the doctors at first were saying well the good thing is you got pregnant once so we know you can get pregnant.

Don't we all wish that were true. Here we are four years later and I've never been pregnant again. Nobody knows why. They said it was my thyroid and I should get pregnant quickly once that was fixed but we did six months of clomid and drugs and battling my weight. Now a month off meds and my cycle of course went crazy. I know our only option is IUI and we don't have money for that and we don't have insurance and so I'm joining the army for us and hopefully for our future family and to give DH time to find the job he loves.

Now though I'm crying thinking about how much this sucks. Why can't it be you got pregnant easy and fast and so it'll be that easy and fast again? I want a baby more than anything and I know that I'm doing the best thing for us and our family and yes that we can't try when I'm not with DH to try but once I'm home I'll have a good job and insurance and we can't go full steam ahead with IUI.

HOW did this turn into me crying?! This was suppose to be about busting the lies people tell!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Life happen when your busy making other plans

People keep saying that this is going to happen to me. That because I've decided to take time off trying and to join the Army that I'll end up pregnant in the next four months.

As over the moon as I would be after years and years for trying how NOT funny would that be. I don't know what we would do as we are very much planning a military life and DH looking for a job around that. It would totally work that way though. I'd be happy with whatever happens.

I feel like today everybody on facebook decided to update all their new baby pics and those pregnant with belly pic. It sucks seeing all the pics even thought I've made peace with this break and that I'm 100% sure I'm making the right choice by joining the army and saving money and having insurance to be able to do IUI!

Life just sucks sometimes!!! I'm just ready for the next few months to pass so I can leave for basic, come back with a newish life and get back to trying to start our family.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Will my thyroid ever be normal?

I've been meaning to update for awhile, with school and my boss starting back at work (I'm a nanny for those that doesn't kow) therefore working more hours I've been slipping on the posts.

I had my three month check up last week and guess what NOT normal again! WHAT THE HECK?! Last visit I was in the normal range for the first time in over 3 years. It was .63, this time 9 weeks later I'm at .3 what gives?! I was on 75mcg so he put me on a 1/2 dose of 125, making it 62.5

He also checks my Vit D level as it's been extremely low this past year and guess what still low. I had one visit in barely normal range and now back to really really low. He said because it's been low for so long even on the higher dose to vit D he has to rule out cealices desease. I think thats how you spell it. Man what a pain that would be. He also upped my dose to twice a week now.

Because everything is off he's going to see me in 8 weeks instead of 12, so i guess thats a good thing.

Well see how things turn out.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Life on Hold

Does anyone else feel like life is on hold with infertility?

We wait to get pregnant till were married, we wait to start trying, we wait to OV, we wait to test, we wait for the next cycle, we wait to try drugs, we wait for IUI.

Then we decide to put things on hold for awhile to get a job and insurance and just everything and even that is months away from leaving, months away from living in a new place, months from starting a new life. I just feel like I'm living on hold and I'm so sick of it.

I just want to be happy and have a good job and a house full of kids. I know it's just one of those days but I'm just in a funk!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Even the back burner hurts sometimes.

IF and getting pregnant has 100% taken a backseat to school, work, gym, and working toward the army.

Most days I'm ok because I know I'm doing the right thing by waiting. Then there are moments that I see a pregnant woman or someday has hey I'm pregnant and it still stings and brings back all those wants and desires.

I did talk to DH about the Army and as I thought the first words he said were I wish you hadn't told me, this stresses me out. After a few days of thinking and destressing and we had a long talk and although I'm not sold that he's 100% on board he's 110% got my back.

I had my physical and that went awesome. I even got to switch jobs to the one I wanted more. I'm now going to be a combat medic. Hopefully I'll score high enough in the class to get into nursing school. If not I'll just work on my BA while I'm in.

As sad as I am to put off babies for a few months I couldn't be more excited!!! I really hope everything goes as planned and works out.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Army update

A job...one of the two I wanted opened up and I took it.

I was already set up to take my physical next tuesday with out a job so now they'll just switch it to a full one since I am now slated for a job. My leave date is 9/19 (our 4 year wedding anniversary is on the 22nd...sad)

I'm going to be an MP. I'll be in basic and ait together for 20 weeks with a two week christmas break.

Ok so is it bad that I didn't tell DH I took the job? I know one it will add more stress with school and he'll be thinking about what he should do (ie stay here till Feb or find a job and move until then) he'll wonder if he gets a good job before sep if I'd not join (I wouldn't join if they got an awesome job). I just know how stressed he is and the army always brings up long talks about our future and where we want to live and money and on and on and on and I just don't want to add any more stress with him being so close to graduating. What's six more weeks to wait and tell him when I'm not leaving till Sep anyways? Maybe I'm a horrible wife?!

Anyways like I said if DH finds a great job with good insurance and I can just focus on going to school and getting pregnant by all means I'd not join. Sadly I just don't know if he'll be able to find a job or that he'll make enough money for me not to work. I want a baby more than anything (I won't be preventing a pregnancy in the next six months just fyi) but is it really fair to not have the money or insurance we need to raise one? I'm not thrilled with not being a stay at home mom but I know DH would be an amazing dad so I'm just having faith that everything works out. I mean lets face it I might freak out before Sep and not join or something else could happen. Just cause I took the job doesn't mean I have to join, I have until the 2nd swear in (right before you leave for basic) to back out if you will.

Don't yell at me if I don't join!! LOL Can you tell I'm kinda freaking out/happy/excited!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Aww the joys of a sleeping child

I have been so busy lately. I started nannying a few weeks ago and the parents are starting to get alittle more chill now and they are now starting to leave the house more and more when I'm here which is nice. Mom goes back to work in three weeks and thats when i'll really be alone so. She's asleep in her crib now and so cute I can't even stand it. I don't know if being here everyday makes being infertal a tad easier because at least I have something during the day or if breaks my heart a bit more that shes not mine.

M,W,F I got to school and then I'm here all afternoon and into early evening and T,Th I'm here from about noon till 6 or 7 so it's a huge change from just working at a normal job. I have really been trying to hit the gym at least 4 to 5 times a week. I finally got my mile down to 1013. Thats the best it's ever been. I want it under 10 and then I'm going to start working on running a 2nd mile. I'd really like to run a 5k soon.

No news on the baby front. I decided to stop taking all the over the counter stuff I've been on and just let my body and thyroid do it's thing. I think my body just really needed a rest. Well see how that goes.

I'm just glad to finally have a moment to sit and catch up on blogs and be able to write one of my own. I've missed this!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Pissed at my computer!!

I really want to have fun with ICLW but my dump computer is acting up. It keeps shutting off...I think it's overheating! I guess I have to buy a fan for it. I'm annoyed.

Things are going well here. We are back in full swing of school and the graduation push!! I just want DH to get a job and to feel a sigh of relief.

No news on the Army or anything so I'm just waiting and waiting for something to give. LOL

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Busy and playing catch up

Being in KY was great but it was really exhausting. I didn't sleep more than 6 hours a night any night I was there and that just don't work for me. It was go go go the whole time. My flight back was delayed and I got in at 1am. I went right back to school and work the next day. I feel like I'm trying to play catch up on school that I missed from being sick. I still don't feel 100% from being sick but I do feel better.

I just feel so tired! I have a huge test tomorrow in school and this class is kicking my butt and I failed the practice test badly and I should be studying but I just feel down.

Today is cd1 AGAIN! I kinda feel numb to it all. I'm more mad at myself for not finishing school years ago, for not having a good job to pay for IUI, for not joining the air force when I wanted to over a year ago. I'm just pissed and feel mad and numb and just over trying.

I've been thinking lot about joining the army lately. My husband is 100% on board but I don't think it's set in because I've tried before and something always has come up that has stopped the process. All I want is to stay home and have babies and that isn't happening so I've started alot of things and quite or didn't like it because my heart just isn't in it. At this point though something has to give. Somebody needs a better job, somebody needs insurance for the family, we need more money in our savings and checking. I just feel so broken.

I'm really trying to stay positive thought, I feel as crummy and crampy but I still have hope and I know others have it worse than me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Graduation Dinner

Things are going well in KY. Being around your parents and having them say some of the same things DH says about me makes me wonder if it's ME?! LOL Guess I'm louder, bosser, and like things my way way more than I thought I did. OOPS!! Guess I need to find a job where I can tell everybody what to do! LOL

Tonight we got to see my bother FINALLY. It was a pretty good dinner. We got about three hours with him and tons of pictures.

Theres one with me and my brother, just the family minus one and one of the family and his best friend. ENJOY. More to come tomorrow!




Monday, March 7, 2011

Sickness Free...

Mostly. I feel SO SO SO much better. I'm still have some coughing but they say thats normal for up to three weeks after the meds. I spend all day in bed Wed and Thur and most of the day Fri. I worked and went out to dinner and then over to a friends Saturday. I think I over did it a bit. Slept most of the day Sunday. Tried to go to the gym but couldn't finish my workout. I think it was food poisoning or something not the cold/chest stuff. Today I feel almost 100%. I worked, I went to the gym. I'm down another 1 lb. That's 6 in 2 1/2 weeks. Not bad, I wish it was more but what can you do.

Tomorrow I fly to see my little brother graduate from army basic training. He did AIT at the same time so he'll be done. He's going to be stationed in Ft Lewis (Washington). I'm really excited because my parents are flying in as well and I haven't got to see them in over a year. DH doesn't get to go because of money and because we have different spring breaks. I'll miss him but sometimes you just need a break so I think it will be good for us. I'm really excited! I need a break! It's cold there so I'm not looking forward to that but they have a gym and an indoor pool and my parents so it'll be a nice break! I am sad thought because my sister isn't coming. I know she's upset to but I you can't have everything you want in life.

It'll keep me mind off the TWW as well. I think I'm 4 or 5 dpo. I'm not hopeful as we only bded twice and I was so so sick.

I'll try to update while I'm gone. If not I'll be back late Sunday night. I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures when I get back.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Clearly I should have gone to the doctor sooner

I tried to go to the doctor last night and the doctor left early so I had to go back this morning.

They said I was really sick and couldn't believe I waited so long to come in. I have sever bronchitis. GREAT! They gave me a 5 day antibiotic and some new type of cough meds. The old kind made me really sick.

I had to wait an hour for my meds but now that I've got them I'm already feeling better. Oh my word I've never been able to take cough meds before and they are AMAZING! I'm hoping now I'll be able to sleep.

No gym, school or work till Friday.

Is it sad I'm hoping this sickness will weaken my little egg and let DH sperm get in? LOL

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I'm still alive...

Just really sick. Ive been fighting this cold for two weeks and this weekend its gone to my chest. I should have gone to the doctor this morning but I keep hoping itll get better. Today my tonsils (?) Blew up. They are so swollen I can hardly eat. Im kicking myself for not going to the doctor this am. Now im stuck with no car and no hubby till he gets back tomorrow night.

Oh yeah and i have a horrible sun burn. Im so stupid.

Also ive been fighting a lovely yeast infection. Of course this is my window for bding. Weve dtd a couple times but I dont think ive oved yet. Is it worth it being so sick? I mean i did take meds. Ahhh I just wanna cry and whin and say I want my hubby to be home to make it better.

Sorry for complaining and thanks for listening.
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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Week One Weigh in and "hiding" our infertility.

I weighted in today and I've lost 5.2 lbs in a week. I'm so excited!! I have 13 days till I see my brother and parents and I really would love to lose at least another 5 if not 10. I hate hearing my mom call me fat. Even though I'm not over weight.

Moving on. I've seen a lot of ya'll write and talk about how we aren't 100% open with our infertility and I've been thinking about it a lot the past few days. I know that it's implied when I comment on Facebook that were infertile but I've never come right out and said it like many of you haven't. I would guess like many of you it's because I can't bare to hear the unwanted advice or the your young you have time, it'll happen.

Today I got this message on FB and it said hey girl hows it going just wanted to find out how things are and how the RE is. I sat there for awhile and thought did I tell her about our problems or did she get what I've been implying for a few months now. I still have no clue but I wrote her back and told her how things were and she said I'm so glad you emailed me back because were having problems too and I feel so alone and of course even though she's married to my ex (were all friendly but it's still kinda weird she's so nice to me lol) I just wanted to hug her and cry with her and say your not alone I'm here and I understand. It just shows how many people there are out there like us and do understand. We aren't alone.

She also sent me this link. I found it interesting and sad. Enjoy

http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=1

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

ICLW getting to know me better

I stole this idea from It's Definitely Possible and thought it would be a good way to start ICLW.

The ABC's of Me...

A) Age: 25

(B) Bed Size: Queen but oh how I want a King! I don't like to be touched! LOL

(C) Chore You Hate: Folding Laundry!

(D) Dog's Name: Alex - he's so cute and I love him!!

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: A kiss from my love. I'm trying to make it the gym, so far so good!

(F) Favorite Color: Hunter Green. I love bright colors thought, however I wear alot of black.

(G) Gold or Silver? silver

(H) Height: 5'5 and a half

(I) Instruments You Play: HAHA thats funny

(J) Job Title: Nanny

(K) Kids: Hopefully soon.

(L) Live: Florida

(M) Mom's Name: Melissa

(N) Nicknames: Jen, buddaplenty (ok so I have to explain. We know this couple and they call each other budda instead of babe or baby and so everybody they meet they give a budda name and I have a nice butt and therefore buddaplenty and then my best friend heard and well it stuck and there you go!)

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Nope

(P) Pet Peeve: Slow/bad drivers

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "Patience is a virtue.....not right now it isn't"

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: To tell the truth or how I feel. I want to say two younger, twins. Caleb and Tabitha 20 however I do have a sister I don't speak to so yeah there you go.

(T) Time You Wake Up? School days 12, other days 2 or 3 but I'm really trying to fix that.

(U) Underwear: ummm (love bikini, can't do thongs)

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: easier to list what I do like. Corn, green beans, broc, squash....that's it.

(W) What Makes You Run Late: My husband. If it's just me I'm early.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Teeth, back, neck

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: People LOVE my scrambled eggs although I don't eat them. haha I'm a pasta girl.

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Dolphins...are they are the zoo? No oh well.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Welcome ICLWers + Birthday

Welcome ICLW. I hope you can relate/understand my blog and I can entertain you if only for a few minutes a day. If you want to know my story it's under my story.

Today is my 25th Birthday. I keep telling myself it's just another birthday but all I want to do is cry. I know your all going to say that at least I have time on my side but I don't feel that way. It's just another year/birthday that I don't have a family to celebrate with. I know I have Chris and I love him, even though he doesn't even realize that I'm sad or that it's after midnight and therefore my birthday. I just want a baby. Every birthday I feel like I freak out more and more.

All I can think is my mom didn't have babies after 28 and I'm just another year closer. I know that thats stupid and fertility treatments have come along way in the last 20 years but it still really freaks me out. I just feel like we are quickly running out of time. I know I sound so stupid and dumb right now but I'm just really sad.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Back Home and Weight

I have never been so happy to be home!!! Babysitting was good and we needed the money but it sucked because away from DH for so long. It showed me how much I don't want to be a single mom and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man that wants a baby as much as I do in my life.

I have worked out 4 of the last 5 days. Today was rough since I'm sore from the first few days but I pushed thru and kept going. I really want to lose the weight!!!

When I got home today from the gym and was hoping in the shower DH goes "babe you look sexy" Haven't heard that in awhile! I said "does that mean I look like I've lost weight?!" DH "no but you look like you feel like you have" Umm thanks! I think. Guess I am feeling better about myself and I'm sure that is helping my mood. TTC is hard and this is helping my mind alot.


On a awesome note I went to the mall yesterday to kill time while the kids were at basketball (how embarrassing to have their babysitter watch!)Just got kicks I thought hey I'll see if I can stuff my hugh butt in a size 8. I was wearing 10s. Look!! They fit nicely, not tight or anything! I almost cried!


I of course couldn't help myself so I tried the 6s! I got them buttoned but as you can see clear muffin top! More work to do!



As for TTC today is my last day of the soy isoflavones. I have been feeling my OV the last 18 hours or so so I'm hoping it's doing something!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

CD3, Gym Day 2

I got 8 1/2 WONDERFUL hours of sleep last night and man do I feel like a new person today. I'm still alittle congested but I'm feeling much better. I feel like with sleep I can do anything.

I had my meeting with the personal trainer today and set up a work out routine. I worked out for about 2 1/2 hours. It felt AWESOME! I'm really happy I finally got membership and have gone both days. I would LOVE LOVE to lose 10lbs by March 8th when I see my parents. I do not want to hear about how fat I am. Even though the doctor and the trainer told me my weight is fine. He did say I could stand to lose 10 to 15 lbs which is all I want. To lose a bit and tone up. I want back in my size 6 jeans!!!

I just took all of like 15 pills! AHH Heres to TTC and getting a nice strong OV.

Goodnight all. Early morning with the kidos in the morning. Only 2 1/2 more days and then mom will be back and I'm FREE!!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

New gym member

I took some night cold meds so I have to write fast and I can feel them starting to kick in. I need the sleep more than you know. I haven't hardly spelt in three days/nights.

I signed up a gym membership today. I worked out for an hour today and ate healthy. We'll see if I feel it tomorrow. I have a personal training section tomorrow to make up a work out plan and to work around my hip injury from less than 6 months ago.

I'm feeling good just for getting to the gym, now I just have to keep at it!!!!

Nothing to report on TTC front. Started soy isoflavones today. Heres to my birthday month being lucky!!!

A real update

Now that I've got a computer at my hands I can give a real update.

This weekend has been crazy. DH had a HUGE test today, and an interview, so that means he's been stressin, buggin me to help him study, just being annoying all weekend. I had a birthday party for our neice Sunday afternoon and then babysat for 8 hours Sunday night.

DH ended making a 93 on his test today, even though he walked around all weekend going I don't have enough study time I'm going to fail I'm going to fail. I knew he wouldn't!! He's the smartest person I know. His interview went well. They pretty much said they don't have an open job for an entry-level postion but if something opens up in the next 3 months it's his. We'll see!

AF finally showed today. 34 day cycle not fun!! I cried alittle yesterday but I'm so sick today that I couldn't even think about it. I have a horrible head cold. Can't breath, everything is draining down my throat, therefore I can't sleep cause I'm drinking so much water and have to go to the bathroom plus I wake up so stuffed up! I just got out of an extremely hot bath and that seemed to open things up a bit. However here I sit writing instead of trying to sleep. I only have to be up in 6 hours. OUCH!

I've been saying for months I was going to get a gym membership but I really want to do it. I might need ya'll to make me feel bad, push me, bug me to get one and to go everyday. I know that with hypothyroidism I really need to take better care of my body and I am boardline normal/overweight. Plus I was about 15 lbs or so less than I am now when I was pregnant last time so you never know if just that little bit could help. It's a good week to start since I'm babysitting overnights this week and have to have kids out the door at 7:30 and 9 and therefore that will force me to get up and get moving.

I'm going to do soy isoflavones again this cycle. I'm going to take it 2-6 since normally I OV between 13 and 15 on my own and taking it 5-9 I oved on day 19 or 20. I've read alot of women that got a +hpt when they increased slowly over the 5 days. I'm going to take 200 d (day) 2, 240 d3, 280 d4 and d5, 320 d6. Hopefully that will help and I'll still OV close to my reg 14 or 15.

I alway wanted to say Thank you for all the comments! I have been reading ya'lls blogs as well I just haven't been commenting as it's hard from my phone but I promise I'm here reading, listening, fighting the fight with you!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I hate that bitch....

AF showed today. Im in a funk. Dont wanna talk just wanted to update.
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Monday, February 14, 2011

To scared to test

AF is due today and nothing. Normally I have spotting before AF shows and none of that either.

I though all night about testing this morning but then my temp was down so I couldnt bring myself to test. Of course that happens when you get up early and hardly sleep. After a nap it was right back up so.

I feel like shes going to show up any min but nothing yet. I need to test because im supose to see the doctor asap if I get a positive but im just so scared. I cant do it...help!

Ill post my vday stuff later when i have my computer. DH is studing for a big test.
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Sunday, February 13, 2011

I just wanna be pregnant.

The end!

Yeah right like thats ever the end. Im cd 32 and 13dpo. I keep telling myself your not pregnant your not pregnant dont test. Then my mind starts to go maybe i could be. Why do I do this? Its been 37 months of not being pregnant so why/how do I hold on to this hope. It hurts so bad when AF shows. Ahhh
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Thursday, February 10, 2011

A little inspiration...

I know we've all heard those crazy stores about people trying for years and finally getting pregnant but I think this one takes the cake.

I think I mentioned that I've started babysitting a lot more since I lost my job and I started for a new family today. During the interview she didn't say anything about a dad or ex or anything so when we were alone today I ask if there was a dad in the picture or anything and she said well I never found the right guy and I really wanted kids so I decided to do it on my own. I was like thats cool I can understand that. She went on to say she used donor sperm but she couldn't get pregnant and so she did all the different things, clomid, IUI, IVF. She said it took 7 years to finally get pregnant and I had waited till I was 35 to start trying, I wanted to finish medical school and everything. I knew she was an older mom cause well you can tell.

I guess my reference must have told her I was in the same boat, which is totally fine and she busts out with "I did a lot of clinical trails and I did 17 (you read right 17) rounds of IVF, many canceled due to poor egg quality. They kept telling her to give up and adopt, there was even a vibe she said that they didn't want to treat her anymore because she'd had so many failed cycles and wouldn't give up that she was killing there stats for IVF. Then I heard about getting donor eggs which wasn't a big thing 13-16 years ago. I demanded they try that and first round with donor eggs I got pregnant. All three of my children were first try donor eggs IVF (does that make sense)"

I was blown away when she said 17. She said "I wanted a baby and I was going to do everything in my power to get a baby and carry it myself." She said "I called and emailed and looked on the internet everyday or clinical trails, ways to help to make it stick, called the insurance company to get help paying for things, anything and everything I could do to get my baby." She said "Many people don't understand how it feels to want a child so badly, it takes over every thought in your mind and your life but then you finally get your take home baby and everything chances"

Part of me wants to cry and thinks man I really don't know if I could make it thru that many rounds of treatment or try for 7 years with nothing. Then I think well I've already made it thru more than 3 years and I'm still pushing on and if it means holding a baby in my arms one day then it's all worth it right??

Quick update on me since I'm writing.
Yesterday I was sure I was PMSing and af was on the way.
Today I feel really bloated, my bbs went from hardly hurting yesterday to killin today, really gassy. Ahh now I'm like many theres hope!

Why do I/we do this to ourselves?!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Holy PMS Batman!

I really hope its not pms but if its not im in trouble. I swear my husband is trying to piss me off. Everything he says just makes me mad. He thinks im over reacting and maybe i am but that doesnt change the fact that im mad...although im not sure why. Ahhhhh

Oh wait he said my house could have been cleaner after ive spent the two days he was away busting my butt cleaning a horribly horrible dirty house. Two loads of dishes, four loads of laundry, swept, vacummed, took out two bags of trash. Oh course it went down hill from there and hes just making me mad. Hes like i wasnt being rude...umm yes you were.

Thanks for letting me vent!
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nothing new

I feel very umm bored! I really should get a gym membership of something to keep myself busy. I did clean the kitchen, living room, dining room. Thats something I guess.

I got a baby sitting job. It's not full time, just temp but it's something to make money for the mean time.

DH has been applying for jobs right and left for when he graduates in a couple months. I really hope he gets something good!

My best friend the one I told you about thats pregnant found out yesterday she might be having twins. They told her they couldn't tell if there was a 2nd baby in the sac, maybe a miscarriage or a twin or that didn't develop. She doesn't have another u/s for another 4 weeks. It's frustrating. It's like I'm happy for her to have at least one baby but it's hard not having any. Its not like I want to take whats hers I just want it also.

Nothing new on the TTC front. I'm 9 or 10 dpo. It's about the time where my mind starts messing with me. I hate this.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Music really melts my soul.

For some reason I relate a lot of songs to infertility even when they were really written as such I can still find the infertile meaning hidden beneath.

HOLD ON - Wilson Phillips

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

[Chorus:]
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

[Chorus]

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on


This makes me think of how we just need to HOLD ON maybe just one more day. We just have to keep fighting and pushing forward. Keep going!!

What songs remind you of infertility or miscarriage? Good or bad? Sad or happy?

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I'm such a fatty!

I can not stop eating! For real. I'm normally like this right before AF but that's not due well if I go by OV for over another week so I don't understand. A minute ago DH told me I need to put down the sandwish. I was like but I'm starving! He says we just ate but that was over three hours ago!

I talked to a lawyer today. He said I really don't have a case unless I can prove they fired me due to workmens comp which I can't. I'm not surprised since this is a right to work state.

I'm oddly calm considering I don't have a job. We'll see if I'm this calm when I find out how much in unemployment I'll be making. I've spend the day looking for a job and applying for places for DH when he graduates in June. I really hope he finds something he loves and it's in a town we'll enjoy!

Nothing new on the TTC front. Trying not the think about dpo and af and do I feel pregnant, do I not feel pregnant.

Friday, February 4, 2011

There are no words

As I walked to work today I thought about my blog. The funny things we go thru as we travel this journey, my hopes and dreams, the thought of finally getting our baby, the thought that my new hair cut has given me such a boost and I'm feeling good!

Then I walk into work and everything hits the fan. First somebody says Brian (the only other person close to my age) got fired this morning but I'll tell you what happened later when were alone. I said ok and went to change since I had walked to work. Then Brian calls me and say dude I got fired and I'm like yeah I heard and he goes oh did you hear it was cause of you and I'm thinking WHAT?! He goes yeah they said I sexually harassed you be touching your shoulders the other day when I came in and said Hi. That I was to close to the kids (we work at a boarding school). As I'm on the phone my boss calls up and says he wants to see me. At this point I know whats coming. He say were gonna have to let you go. You were involved sexually harassed by Brain and thats wrong. I said he was just saying Hi it wasn't wrong but ok, he says well there are other issues. You have a attitude problem and a lot of people agree (I've never heard such a thing, never been written up, nothing!) Then he says I'm sorry we never got to really know each other or talk since I became the manager (6 weeks ago) but I think thats part of the problem it shows how en-personable you are that you don't talk to me everyday. Now I'm thinking umm we don't work the same hours, and I say Hi when I see you and aren't I your employee?! I was like ok fine and left. I've been getting phone calls all night by co-workers going I don't understand you did nothing wrong, you bust your butt.

I'm really just blown away! I mean I've known since he became the manager my days were numbered that he didn't like me but I in no way was going to quit not matter what he did and I was going to keep doing my job and not give him a reason to let me go. Well I guess he just made up one. I'm really thinking about calling a lawyer just to see what they have to say. I mean worst they will tell me is this is a right to work state and I can't do anything.

This really sucks because DH is already on unemployment and trying to finish up his BA in June so we can more and have a better life so this puts us both unemployed which is really bad feeling. I don't like living that way. I don't know if I should just take the unemployment and wait out the next three or four months so I have something to fall back on once we move and give myself time to find a job or if I should try really hard to find a job, which who knows if I'll be able to find one. This day sucks!!!!

My silver lining is now that both of us don't have a job you know we'll get pregnant because thats how life works! Thats so sad! Bittersweet but sad. If thats what it takes to get pregnant though. LOL I'm trying to stay positive!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Some things you can control

Well as long as you have a good hair stylist!!



This is us from over the weekend. We never get to go out and so we dressed up alittle. This is how my hair looked then.


This is the new front.


This is the back!!


This is the new color and me doing my own hair the next day.

I feel so good and free and light! My hair is so thick so even short it was heavy! I like my hair so much better short.

On a some things you can't control. I FINALLY OVED!!!!! CD19 but still. My temp went up and my cervix has been closed for a couple days now. YAY!!!!! That puts me at 3dpo. Guess AF will be due on V-day. JOY!

Thyroid update

I had my visit with the doctor yesterday. She was a doctor ive never met before and after waiting for two hours I was not impressed! She finally came in and started asking me really dumb questions. It was clear she didnt read, glance, skim over my chart whatsoever! This annoyed me mostly because she kept going well that isnt in his notes. Stupid woman you only have the notes from my last visit where im sure he doesnt write a book or repeat himself every visit. Weather its on that paper or not it doesnt state in my chart i do have infertility, my thyroid has been out of wack for almost three years, they checked my blood surgar just to be safe because i am trying to get pregnant and i do have a long family history of it.

She also says when you get pregnant (I wanted to be like wow glad you know itll happen or good to know your so confident when im not) you need to see us every three months. The problems with this are. One) I already go every three months so why bring it up if you want nothing to change. Two) both my normal doctor and the RE and ob said they want it checked as soon as I get a BFP as well as every four weeks at least the first 3 months since A) ive already had an early loss and B) my thyroid has been so crazy the last three years. I really should have told her off at this point but i didnt.

Finally after making me really late to my hair apt, which ill try and learn how to post pic later. She just gave me a refil and a script for blood work for 10 weeks from now. Wow a total waste of time and money. However my thyroid is normal for the first time in almost year years so thats awesome!
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Just to be clear as I guess I wasn't. My thyroid doctor is awesome!! I've had problems for two years with no results and he went from wildly out of control to normal in 8 months. The woman I saw was a doctor in his office who works for him. My nexts apt I made sure is with my normal doctor so no worries there!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Long Weekend

Well were back from Gainsville! We had a blast, it didn't end super well but thats ok.

I thought I would be getting away for a couple days to relax and hang out and chill. The thing is I forgot you can't take a break from infertility. It finds you where ever you go. It's all I could think about I'll be honest. I just wanted to have lots of sex and think about babies and read blogs and emails and just be in a me me me, babies babies babies bubble. It's hard because I know that DH doesn't understand.

It was a very short trip and like I posted Saturday I got a text about my friend loosing her baby and then Sunday a good friend, actually my maid of honor in our wedding announced she was pregnant. She got married in Oct. It's so hard, why was I so happy for one friend and the other I want to punch. I mean I know why, one tried for two years and the other wasn't trying. I know why but it's still hard. This thought made me wonder, when I'm walking down the street and I see a pregnant women if I tell myself they tried for years for that baby will that make me want to NOT trip her while she walks by? Then it hit me only 3-5% of women suffer from infertility which is only 1 in 20 at most and so I don't know if I can lie to myself. Darn it!

On the tcc note, i guess I'm on cd19. I think I may have OVed on cd 17, or 18 but I have no clue. I never got a +opk, my bbs were pretty big Friday but didn't hurt in the least till Saturday and even now they don't hurt to touch or lay on which isn't like me post ovulation so I don't know. When can I test then? Do I just go with ten days past the last soy pill I took and then count 14 days after that? I don't know!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

My heart is broken

One of the girls I've become really close to on the blogs text me tonight and said she was bleeding. She was 11 weeks and tried two long years for this baby. Was on an extra round of clomid past what they normally do. She just got her beta back and it's 4500. Way to low for 11 weeks. We all know what the doctor will read from the u/s. She's losing the baby and it just hurts my heart.

We all know how easy it is to get close to each other and to be friends on facebook and to talk everyday and to go thru this with her for two years and then to be so happy and then it's like just ripped away so close to the "safe zone" and it's just crappy! I hate it!

On top of feeling horrible for her it just brings back all those bad memories of my lost. Then you think man how can I think about getting pregnant and being happy then think you can get all the way to 11 weeks and still be crushed. I want to be pregnant more than anything and it just makes me think if I finally get my baby and I finally get pregnant how am I ever going to be chill or calm at all. It's like man A)pregnancy isn't the goal, bring home a healthy baby is and B)getting pregnant is SO HARD for us and it's only half that battle.

I hate this, I was having a very chill, relaxing weekend away and BAM infertility and loss still finds you. I just don't know how to handle all these emotions. I just want to cry!