Thursday, March 31, 2011

Even the back burner hurts sometimes.

IF and getting pregnant has 100% taken a backseat to school, work, gym, and working toward the army.

Most days I'm ok because I know I'm doing the right thing by waiting. Then there are moments that I see a pregnant woman or someday has hey I'm pregnant and it still stings and brings back all those wants and desires.

I did talk to DH about the Army and as I thought the first words he said were I wish you hadn't told me, this stresses me out. After a few days of thinking and destressing and we had a long talk and although I'm not sold that he's 100% on board he's 110% got my back.

I had my physical and that went awesome. I even got to switch jobs to the one I wanted more. I'm now going to be a combat medic. Hopefully I'll score high enough in the class to get into nursing school. If not I'll just work on my BA while I'm in.

As sad as I am to put off babies for a few months I couldn't be more excited!!! I really hope everything goes as planned and works out.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Army update

A of the two I wanted opened up and I took it.

I was already set up to take my physical next tuesday with out a job so now they'll just switch it to a full one since I am now slated for a job. My leave date is 9/19 (our 4 year wedding anniversary is on the 22nd...sad)

I'm going to be an MP. I'll be in basic and ait together for 20 weeks with a two week christmas break.

Ok so is it bad that I didn't tell DH I took the job? I know one it will add more stress with school and he'll be thinking about what he should do (ie stay here till Feb or find a job and move until then) he'll wonder if he gets a good job before sep if I'd not join (I wouldn't join if they got an awesome job). I just know how stressed he is and the army always brings up long talks about our future and where we want to live and money and on and on and on and I just don't want to add any more stress with him being so close to graduating. What's six more weeks to wait and tell him when I'm not leaving till Sep anyways? Maybe I'm a horrible wife?!

Anyways like I said if DH finds a great job with good insurance and I can just focus on going to school and getting pregnant by all means I'd not join. Sadly I just don't know if he'll be able to find a job or that he'll make enough money for me not to work. I want a baby more than anything (I won't be preventing a pregnancy in the next six months just fyi) but is it really fair to not have the money or insurance we need to raise one? I'm not thrilled with not being a stay at home mom but I know DH would be an amazing dad so I'm just having faith that everything works out. I mean lets face it I might freak out before Sep and not join or something else could happen. Just cause I took the job doesn't mean I have to join, I have until the 2nd swear in (right before you leave for basic) to back out if you will.

Don't yell at me if I don't join!! LOL Can you tell I'm kinda freaking out/happy/excited!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Aww the joys of a sleeping child

I have been so busy lately. I started nannying a few weeks ago and the parents are starting to get alittle more chill now and they are now starting to leave the house more and more when I'm here which is nice. Mom goes back to work in three weeks and thats when i'll really be alone so. She's asleep in her crib now and so cute I can't even stand it. I don't know if being here everyday makes being infertal a tad easier because at least I have something during the day or if breaks my heart a bit more that shes not mine.

M,W,F I got to school and then I'm here all afternoon and into early evening and T,Th I'm here from about noon till 6 or 7 so it's a huge change from just working at a normal job. I have really been trying to hit the gym at least 4 to 5 times a week. I finally got my mile down to 1013. Thats the best it's ever been. I want it under 10 and then I'm going to start working on running a 2nd mile. I'd really like to run a 5k soon.

No news on the baby front. I decided to stop taking all the over the counter stuff I've been on and just let my body and thyroid do it's thing. I think my body just really needed a rest. Well see how that goes.

I'm just glad to finally have a moment to sit and catch up on blogs and be able to write one of my own. I've missed this!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Pissed at my computer!!

I really want to have fun with ICLW but my dump computer is acting up. It keeps shutting off...I think it's overheating! I guess I have to buy a fan for it. I'm annoyed.

Things are going well here. We are back in full swing of school and the graduation push!! I just want DH to get a job and to feel a sigh of relief.

No news on the Army or anything so I'm just waiting and waiting for something to give. LOL

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Busy and playing catch up

Being in KY was great but it was really exhausting. I didn't sleep more than 6 hours a night any night I was there and that just don't work for me. It was go go go the whole time. My flight back was delayed and I got in at 1am. I went right back to school and work the next day. I feel like I'm trying to play catch up on school that I missed from being sick. I still don't feel 100% from being sick but I do feel better.

I just feel so tired! I have a huge test tomorrow in school and this class is kicking my butt and I failed the practice test badly and I should be studying but I just feel down.

Today is cd1 AGAIN! I kinda feel numb to it all. I'm more mad at myself for not finishing school years ago, for not having a good job to pay for IUI, for not joining the air force when I wanted to over a year ago. I'm just pissed and feel mad and numb and just over trying.

I've been thinking lot about joining the army lately. My husband is 100% on board but I don't think it's set in because I've tried before and something always has come up that has stopped the process. All I want is to stay home and have babies and that isn't happening so I've started alot of things and quite or didn't like it because my heart just isn't in it. At this point though something has to give. Somebody needs a better job, somebody needs insurance for the family, we need more money in our savings and checking. I just feel so broken.

I'm really trying to stay positive thought, I feel as crummy and crampy but I still have hope and I know others have it worse than me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Graduation Dinner

Things are going well in KY. Being around your parents and having them say some of the same things DH says about me makes me wonder if it's ME?! LOL Guess I'm louder, bosser, and like things my way way more than I thought I did. OOPS!! Guess I need to find a job where I can tell everybody what to do! LOL

Tonight we got to see my bother FINALLY. It was a pretty good dinner. We got about three hours with him and tons of pictures.

Theres one with me and my brother, just the family minus one and one of the family and his best friend. ENJOY. More to come tomorrow!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sickness Free...

Mostly. I feel SO SO SO much better. I'm still have some coughing but they say thats normal for up to three weeks after the meds. I spend all day in bed Wed and Thur and most of the day Fri. I worked and went out to dinner and then over to a friends Saturday. I think I over did it a bit. Slept most of the day Sunday. Tried to go to the gym but couldn't finish my workout. I think it was food poisoning or something not the cold/chest stuff. Today I feel almost 100%. I worked, I went to the gym. I'm down another 1 lb. That's 6 in 2 1/2 weeks. Not bad, I wish it was more but what can you do.

Tomorrow I fly to see my little brother graduate from army basic training. He did AIT at the same time so he'll be done. He's going to be stationed in Ft Lewis (Washington). I'm really excited because my parents are flying in as well and I haven't got to see them in over a year. DH doesn't get to go because of money and because we have different spring breaks. I'll miss him but sometimes you just need a break so I think it will be good for us. I'm really excited! I need a break! It's cold there so I'm not looking forward to that but they have a gym and an indoor pool and my parents so it'll be a nice break! I am sad thought because my sister isn't coming. I know she's upset to but I you can't have everything you want in life.

It'll keep me mind off the TWW as well. I think I'm 4 or 5 dpo. I'm not hopeful as we only bded twice and I was so so sick.

I'll try to update while I'm gone. If not I'll be back late Sunday night. I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures when I get back.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Clearly I should have gone to the doctor sooner

I tried to go to the doctor last night and the doctor left early so I had to go back this morning.

They said I was really sick and couldn't believe I waited so long to come in. I have sever bronchitis. GREAT! They gave me a 5 day antibiotic and some new type of cough meds. The old kind made me really sick.

I had to wait an hour for my meds but now that I've got them I'm already feeling better. Oh my word I've never been able to take cough meds before and they are AMAZING! I'm hoping now I'll be able to sleep.

No gym, school or work till Friday.

Is it sad I'm hoping this sickness will weaken my little egg and let DH sperm get in? LOL

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I'm still alive...

Just really sick. Ive been fighting this cold for two weeks and this weekend its gone to my chest. I should have gone to the doctor this morning but I keep hoping itll get better. Today my tonsils (?) Blew up. They are so swollen I can hardly eat. Im kicking myself for not going to the doctor this am. Now im stuck with no car and no hubby till he gets back tomorrow night.

Oh yeah and i have a horrible sun burn. Im so stupid.

Also ive been fighting a lovely yeast infection. Of course this is my window for bding. Weve dtd a couple times but I dont think ive oved yet. Is it worth it being so sick? I mean i did take meds. Ahhh I just wanna cry and whin and say I want my hubby to be home to make it better.

Sorry for complaining and thanks for listening.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7