Sunday, February 26, 2012

Money Matters

Our tax return sucks!!!!!

After paying some extra bills, renewing my car tag it's all gone. I was hoping to have some extra to put toward IUI but no such luck. I really think we'll have to wait till April to do IUI with the extra cost of having to buy donor sperm. I just don't want our saving/checking account to much.

Plus I'm kinda hopping that by then DH will have a new job. His job now is going well but it's just not the job he or I want him to have. Plus he has no benefits. He's got a really good lead on a job and hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow. Please pray!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


I can't believe it's that time of the month again.

I'll stay sorry now for my blog being so depressing.

Yesterday was my b-day and it was pretty rough. From another year with no baby to my lovely mother-in-law saying your not pregnant are you? Me:no, we are infertile thats not something you have to worry about. Her: oh thank God. People wonder why we don't tell her things. Yeah anyways I don't like my b-day. I feel much better today.

We're dealing with the whole baby thing. I think were going to move on with IUI soon but it's a slow go so well see. I just can't bring myself to call the doctor and ask what the next step is. I want a baby now so I don't know why I'm having such a hard time picking up the phone.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I wish the voices in my head would stop!!

Not real Just how women's heads can't stop thinking and wondering.

I just want to move forward. I want to have a baby already, i wanna be pregnant. It just sucks that it's so hard and it's going to cost so much. I kinda wanna be mad that it's so easy for everybody else but at the same time I'm grateful we have an answer and hopeful that we can get pregnant now. I just hope it works!

Then theres the whole DH needs a job things and I'm praying so hard. I hope that in a few months well look back at this and think it was all worth it. I hope that DH gets a good job and well move and have hopefully have infertility insurance and things will finally be easy. Does that ever happen??

Just please pray something amazing comes along. Love you guys, your comments and encouragement help so much!

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Yesterday after the whole sperm thing, DH told me he thinks he's been feeling weird because he thinks he might have had another seizure, he also noticed he'd bitten his tongue. That of course became my main concern more so than a baby. Although I have to admit I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just want a plan it makes me feel better. DH didn't want to talk at all yesterday because he felt yucky and needed to sleep. That was really hard.

I'm worried about DH mostly because he shouldn't be having seizures while on meds. Then he tells me he misses pills a lot...ugh men I swear. Plus he drives a car for a living and I can't think about him having a seizure while driving. I've been telling him for along time he needed a new job but I think he finally sees my point.

Our focus for now is to find DH a job! Were looking all over the country, mostly to get out of FL....I hope!

Once were moved or at least have a new job here well get back to the baby thing. We agreed to look into everything from adoption, foster care, IVF, sperm donor but we both already know were going to start with donor sperm, we have talked about it before, but if it makes DH feel better to look into everything I'll do whatever makes me happy, even if I just want to get back to trying.

Am I horrible for feeling like we've wasted four years and now this whole cycle since we didn't find out until cd2. I just want to start trying now! I know we need to worry about a job first but it's hard not to want a baby.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I have no words

I got a call from the doctor and DH test came. It was really bad.

Normal HBA count is 80%, they'll do IUI with a count as low as 40%, but sadly DH is 11%.

They said chances of getting pregnant on our own is pretty much none, less than 1% with IUI. They want us to move on to IVF which we can't afford but does give us a 75%, 80% chance of pregnancy. We could also do with Donor Sperm which gives us a 75% chance with IUI.

This is a lot of take in. I feel so bad for DH and the poor amazing man was worried about me being upset about having to wait a couple months to move forward, worried I'd be mad at him. Man I love him!! I just feel bad for him and don't want him to blame himself because I don't!!!

I'm just at a loss right now.

The battle has begun.

Today has been quite a day. I am still pretty sick...well sinus/cold stuff. Stopped up, sneezing, blowing my nose a lot. Not I also have AF and a nasty fever blister on my lip. OUCH

I call the doctor this morning and the girl says the office hasn't really opened yet so can she call me back when she's got a chance to pull my file and call me back after nine, sure. She calls back and says she can't make my US apt because dh HBA hasn't come back. I explain that the doctor and I talked about going ahead and getting started with the meds and bloodwork at the same time as his test and she said that would be fine since I was so close to starting my cycle so we don't have to wait a full other month. She says I'm just going by what your chart says and it said if HBA is fine continue on with IUI so I can let you talk to the nurse if you want. Fine, isn't mine nurse she's out of the office until tomorrow but sure. OMG she gets on the phone and what a WITCH!! It took everything in me to be nice. First she reads word for word the doctors notes start to finish. Yeah I was there I remember. Then she goes on to tell me how it would be really stupid and a waste of time and month to do IUI if the HBA comes back as a fail because that means the sperm can't get in the egg and blah blah blah, like I'm stupid. She's talking to me like I'm dumb, like I didn't talk to the doctor for an hour, or that I haven't been dealing with this for FOUR! years. I tried to explain without crying that we had talked about doing it at the same time and I understand that we might start the meds tomorrow and find out friday that he failed, she kept acting like i'd have to go thru with the whole IUI even if that was the case and I'd be wasting so much money.

I also asked about the test because I was told it would be back in 24 hrs which would be today and when I dropped if off yesterday the woman doing the test said it did take 24 hrs but then the doctor would have to read over them so I might not hear till Thursday. Thats still cd3 and the same day I'd do my US, bloodwork and start my meds. Still see no problems here. She finally agreed to call the other office and speak with the doctor and call me back.

I know the doctor will say I'm fine to go ahead as long as we know the risk were taking blah blah blah. I'm just mad that this nurse thats never met me was so rude! This journey is hard as is without you talking down to me and even more so talking to me like that on cd2, do you know how emotional I am about having a baby?!

The other thing that bugs me is when she read the notes from the doctor it says do 2-3 rounds of IUI and move onto IVF. I thought they normally did at least 4 before moving to IVF. If were both so young and healthy and they don't know why we can't get pregnant why are they pushing IVF so hard. I won't even be 26 till next week I shouldn't need IVF. Not to say I don't, maybe I do, maybe my eggs are crap but why are they pushing so hard. We only did 3 rounds of clomid, none of them monitored, very little bloodwork. I don't get it. What are they not telling me??? I feel like theres something going on that they aren't telling me. Am I crazy????

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Here we go

DH had his test this morning. We should hear back Thursday. I'm trying not to worry, I really haven't thought about it all day so thats something.

AF finally showed up this afternoon, of course after we got home so I'll have to drive down by my self Thursday. This drive is going to get old really fast!

I still haven't heard back from Winfertility on the cost, they were having trouble with one of the tests they wanted or something and sent it back to the doctor and the nurse is out till Thursday. I hope I can still get my cd3 US Thursday will all the drama on cost. AHHHHHH

I hope this is here we go and nothing comes up to prevent us from moving forward.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Long Weekend

It's been a long weekend here. Tons of thinking, wondering, hoping, worrying and dreaming.

I'm trying to remember everything I forgot to post after my apt. The doctor did put me on baby aspirin to prevent another miscarriage but other that isn't worried about it happening again, just things it was a first pregnancy fluke.

I am slightly worried about DH HBA. I know that well deal with it if he fails and if he doesn't well go on with IUI and just be ok with not knowing why we can't get pregnant.

DH found out this company is merging with another and won't know anything until March. Most seems to think all will be fine and nobody will lose their job but I can't help but worry as we move forward with IUI about DH having a job since I'm unemployed. We did decided I'm not going to focus to much on finding a job, I'm sure all apply if anything great opens but for now were going to focus on IUI and school and not worry about it. Who knows maybe I'll get that job at the school.

On to the dreaming, I mean literal dreams. Crazy dreams. Dreams where we have a baby, dreams were we don't, dreams were we have more than one. The worst was that DH failed his HBA and we decided to do donor sperm and we had a baby and then when the kid was 10 DH and I went thur a nasty divorce and DH tired to say the kid wasn't his so he wouldn't have to pay, knowing full well a blood test would show he wasn't the bio dad. I woke up crying.

What were you told your change of success would be with IUI? We were told 15% because I'm in my twenties. Our chance for twins was 10% and triplets were 1%. Does this should right. I feel like it's so low. 15% really?! UGH!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

So far so good.

Well I think overall the apt with the new doctor went well. I mean I only cried once so that's good for me. Lol she was very nice, a little figity and kinda a close talker. She said she really finds it crazy when someone in their twentys can't get pregnant with all the tests at normal. She really wanted to help keep cost down and keep us from having to drive so far to much.

She said she wants to do leturzole 3-7 after a cd3 U/ S. She isn't totally convinced I need any help ovulating but I said I wanted it either way. She also wants to do an HBA on DH since he does take meds for his seizures just to make sure his sperm can penetrate the egg. Has anyone had this done? I've never heard of it before. This totally freaks me out that something will be wrong.

So we'll do dh test Tuesday and if it's good we'll continue if he fails well do donor sperm since we don't want... well can't afford IVF. Do leturzole and then cd12 US with trigger and then check my progesterone day21. They are going to do two IUIs. 48 hrs apart. I'm very happy they are going to check my progesterone because I asked my old RE and she wouldn't do it and what if it's horribly low?

She did an US and said I have very pretty ovaries. Dh thought this was funny and kept saying see baby you have PRETTY ovaries. My linning was a 10. That good right? I should be starting my cycle soon. It would be awesome to start af this weekend so I could do my US he day of DH test since the office is two hrs away. She did comment on the socks I wore for the US, you must have been dealing with infertility for awhile to be trying to be fun and wear awesome socks!

I think that's it. Thanks for hang in with me! Man I've never wanted af to show up so bad before!


Hope you understand cause DH didn't. Silly boys!


DH wanted to take pictures too. LOL

He had to get the socks in. Love him!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Guess I don't have a job

I had to go in and meet with the women I interviewed with boss. The interview went great and I was thinking it was just a formality and she'd give me a start date. They already did my back ground and the woman last week said they weren't interviewing anybody else. She said she wanted me to start by the 13th, then today the woman says they are interviewing other people and it's going to be a few weeks before they hire someone. WHAT?!! I'm so confused. I really think the woman that interviewed me last week got totally steam rolled by her boss. I don't know what to think.

I'm pissed on the one hand because she offered me the job last week but on the other hand a few weeks means we can go full steam ahead with IUI and not worry about missing work or working it around work. This makes me happy.

Can't it just be tomorrow already??!!

Tomorrow I'll post a pic of my cute shirt and socks!

Love you guys! Thanks for letting me vent!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What should I ask??

My apt with the new doctor to start IUI is Friday. What questions should I be asking? Pills vs injectibles. Sperm count. Monitoring. Help!!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Feel like a fat cow!

I came back from basic two months ago at 135 and now I'm 146. I'm so mad at myself for letting this happen. I feel so fat and gross. I know that once I start working it'll help because I won't be bored sitting around eating all day, I'm getting a gym membership this week. I don't know how much I can do with my injury but I'm gonna do my best.

My problem is eating, how do I fix that? I have no self control and I'm worried with all there fertility drugs it's just gonna get worse. HELP! I feel like crap, I hate myself.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I got the job!!!!!

I'm so overly excited!!!!!!

It's really good pay, full benefits after 90 days and if I don't get pregnant and quite when the LO is born they'll pay for my BA after a year.

This will help with all the medical stuff we've been paying for out of pocket. We can get a 2nd car which we've been needing for along time! Were looking at the Honda Insight. I'm pumped!

It really wasn't an interview it was more of this is what the job is do you want it. I'll be the admissions directors assistant. I'll be doing anything from being her eyes and ears to paper work to just doing whatever she needs. I'm super excited because this is perfect for me!!

The best part is I'll be working three days a week 9-5 and the other two 12-8 so hopefully I'll be able to do monitoring appointments with no problems. The doctor is two hours away so I'm nervous.

Anyways all in all an awesome day. Hopefully I'll start mid next week or the following Monday. Just waiting on my back ground to come back!

Thanks for all the good lucks from yesterday!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Fail #3

Tried to get my blood work done again today and they said they couldn't find it in their records that I saw Dr Walsh and was referred to my current Endo by him. I know I was. To get my labs done there (much cheaper than labcorb) I have to make an apt with him. Oh well maybe he'll decide since my thyroid is now under control he can take over my care which would be nice since it's only a mile or two from home and not an hour. To bad this means I won't have my labs back in time for my apt with the RE. I'm not worried about it though as I haven't been having any majors problems that make me think that it's off or anything.

Oh an awesome note!!! I have a job interview tomorrow! I've had a couple in the past couple weeks but nothing has panned out but this one I have a really good feeling about. It's for a college and I interviewed there a few weeks ago and they liked me but then noticed I am in school for my BA and don't have it yet. I never thought I'd hear from them again so when she called today and was going on and on about how she's sorry it didn't work out, all the while I'm thinking yeah yeah I got your letter and then she says well I liked you so much that I want you to interview for the administrative assistant job that just opened up. I didn't post it online I thought of you as soon and I heard they needed someone, can you come in tomorrow!!! My husband thinks it's my job to lose and I kinda agree because in a way this is my third interview with them. The best new is it has INSURANCE!!!!! and benefits and the starting pay is the same as the job I interview for before and the way I see it this one doesn't deal with the students or cold calling people so it's better!

Please Pray!!! I really want and need this job!