Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Feeling alittle overwhelmed.

I feel like there is so much going on in my life right now and everything is happening so fast. I kinda feel alittle freaked out. We all wait and wait and wait for things to happen and I'm so use to nothing going right and things always staying the same that the fact that everything is about to change in a matter of a summer is so SCARY!

Ok heres whats going on the next few months.

4/29 - last day of classes!!!!
4/30 - Graduation pictures then surprise DH graduation party. This has been the hardest secret to keep ever!!!!

5/4 - Finals
5/5 - DH Graduation
5/7 - DH moms graduation party (she wouldn't let me be involved, let alone have anyone from his dads side of the family there so we have to have two. So DUMB!!!)
5/9 - Summer Classes start for DH and I. We both have to take one summer A class to graduate. He just gets to walk in May since he's so close.
5/9-5/20 - The husband of the parents I work for will be out of town so I'll be working an extra 15 hrs both weeks.

6/2-6/4 - I fly to San Antonio to find an apartment. Well have a firm move date then. YAY
6/24 - Final for Summer class!! This means DH has BA and I have my AA! YAY
6/23-7/4 - The husband will be out of town again so another extra 15 hrs both weeks.

7/8 - I think this will be my last day of work however it depends on our move date, nor I have I told them I'm quitting.
7/11 - Tentive day the movers are coming
7/12 - Finishing any cleaning and head to San Antonio
7/18 - Movers deliever our stuff

8/1 DH birthday

9/5 - Stay in hotel
9/6 - Ship to MO for basic

Now you can see why i'm kinda freaking out. I hope that after spring classes end things will lighten up, even if it's only because DH won't have to drive an hour to and from school two days a week and will be home to help clean and cook and stuff.

Theres so much about to change and I know it's for the best but it's scary. Theres just so much to do, that list, plus packing and working and finishing school and I still have to hit the gym at least four times a week. I know it'll just be crazy for a little while and then well be moved and I'll have 6 weeks off to just spend with DH and relax and really train and be ready to leave for basic.

Thanks for letting me freak out. I know mines nothing compaired to some of you that are expecting twins or triplets and stuff but it's my reality right now.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Busted! You got pregnant once so I'm sure it'll happen again!


I had a feeling we'd have problems. My mom had alot of infertility problems so I kinda knew there was a good chance I would have problems as well. Because of that DH and I chose to start trying pretty much right after we got married. To our surprise I got pregnant month two. I'll never forget DH face and he was like I thought you said it might take awhile, this hasn't been awhile.

As most of you know that pregnancy ended at 5w4d. Of course because we got pregnant so fast everybody says well you got pregnant so you'll get pregnant again. Even the doctors at first were saying well the good thing is you got pregnant once so we know you can get pregnant.

Don't we all wish that were true. Here we are four years later and I've never been pregnant again. Nobody knows why. They said it was my thyroid and I should get pregnant quickly once that was fixed but we did six months of clomid and drugs and battling my weight. Now a month off meds and my cycle of course went crazy. I know our only option is IUI and we don't have money for that and we don't have insurance and so I'm joining the army for us and hopefully for our future family and to give DH time to find the job he loves.

Now though I'm crying thinking about how much this sucks. Why can't it be you got pregnant easy and fast and so it'll be that easy and fast again? I want a baby more than anything and I know that I'm doing the best thing for us and our family and yes that we can't try when I'm not with DH to try but once I'm home I'll have a good job and insurance and we can't go full steam ahead with IUI.

HOW did this turn into me crying?! This was suppose to be about busting the lies people tell!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Life happen when your busy making other plans

People keep saying that this is going to happen to me. That because I've decided to take time off trying and to join the Army that I'll end up pregnant in the next four months.

As over the moon as I would be after years and years for trying how NOT funny would that be. I don't know what we would do as we are very much planning a military life and DH looking for a job around that. It would totally work that way though. I'd be happy with whatever happens.

I feel like today everybody on facebook decided to update all their new baby pics and those pregnant with belly pic. It sucks seeing all the pics even thought I've made peace with this break and that I'm 100% sure I'm making the right choice by joining the army and saving money and having insurance to be able to do IUI!

Life just sucks sometimes!!! I'm just ready for the next few months to pass so I can leave for basic, come back with a newish life and get back to trying to start our family.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Will my thyroid ever be normal?

I've been meaning to update for awhile, with school and my boss starting back at work (I'm a nanny for those that doesn't kow) therefore working more hours I've been slipping on the posts.

I had my three month check up last week and guess what NOT normal again! WHAT THE HECK?! Last visit I was in the normal range for the first time in over 3 years. It was .63, this time 9 weeks later I'm at .3 what gives?! I was on 75mcg so he put me on a 1/2 dose of 125, making it 62.5

He also checks my Vit D level as it's been extremely low this past year and guess what still low. I had one visit in barely normal range and now back to really really low. He said because it's been low for so long even on the higher dose to vit D he has to rule out cealices desease. I think thats how you spell it. Man what a pain that would be. He also upped my dose to twice a week now.

Because everything is off he's going to see me in 8 weeks instead of 12, so i guess thats a good thing.

Well see how things turn out.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Life on Hold

Does anyone else feel like life is on hold with infertility?

We wait to get pregnant till were married, we wait to start trying, we wait to OV, we wait to test, we wait for the next cycle, we wait to try drugs, we wait for IUI.

Then we decide to put things on hold for awhile to get a job and insurance and just everything and even that is months away from leaving, months away from living in a new place, months from starting a new life. I just feel like I'm living on hold and I'm so sick of it.

I just want to be happy and have a good job and a house full of kids. I know it's just one of those days but I'm just in a funk!