Thursday, November 1, 2012
This is the first time I'm admitting that I'm scared we won't get a baby, or not really even that but that we won't get approved. We have our last class Saturday and we should be close to approval but with all this crap they want on DH I'm scared. They could say he's had to many legal problems or health problems and we aren't approved. We haven't been able to get ahold of the doctor that needs to fill out his paperwork so I don't know what happens if we can get it filled out. We got paperwork yesterday in the mail that needed to be signed and we mailed that back. I'm just worried. My husband is always the strong one and always the one that will say this is going to happen we are going to get a baby, but he is losing hope. I feel bad because we have male factor and now he's the one with the back ground issues. I do feel bad for him, but annoyed. Proud of myself for not blaming him or freaking out, I just well I'm scared. I don't want to blame him because I love him but somedays it's hard not to have that horrible thought of what if I'd married somebody else or what if I'd gotten my BA years ago maybe I'd have the money for IVF and so on and on. Yesterday Hubby said I'm really scared we won't approved. What should we do if we aren't approved. I think he was waiting on me to freak out on him or cry. I calmly said well how would you feel about doing sperm donor IUI or IVF (he's very against going into debt for a baby) He said I'm good with either and I'll get a 2nd job that we can put just that money from that job toward medical treatments. I almost cried. I don't want him to have to work a 2nd job but it was very very sweet. Even with all this crap I really am lucky to have such a great guy! LOVE HIM! I am happy I married him just fyi lol!