Thursday, March 17, 2011

Busy and playing catch up

Being in KY was great but it was really exhausting. I didn't sleep more than 6 hours a night any night I was there and that just don't work for me. It was go go go the whole time. My flight back was delayed and I got in at 1am. I went right back to school and work the next day. I feel like I'm trying to play catch up on school that I missed from being sick. I still don't feel 100% from being sick but I do feel better.

I just feel so tired! I have a huge test tomorrow in school and this class is kicking my butt and I failed the practice test badly and I should be studying but I just feel down.

Today is cd1 AGAIN! I kinda feel numb to it all. I'm more mad at myself for not finishing school years ago, for not having a good job to pay for IUI, for not joining the air force when I wanted to over a year ago. I'm just pissed and feel mad and numb and just over trying.

I've been thinking lot about joining the army lately. My husband is 100% on board but I don't think it's set in because I've tried before and something always has come up that has stopped the process. All I want is to stay home and have babies and that isn't happening so I've started alot of things and quite or didn't like it because my heart just isn't in it. At this point though something has to give. Somebody needs a better job, somebody needs insurance for the family, we need more money in our savings and checking. I just feel so broken.

I'm really trying to stay positive thought, I feel as crummy and crampy but I still have hope and I know others have it worse than me.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for stupid cycle day 1.

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  2. I like to refer to it as Psychol Day 1. Its the worst day of the month. Hope it passes soon and you can get back on the bandwagon. Im glad you are getting better from your sickness though. It doesn't help to be sick and ttc.

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  3. I always think I would have loved joining the military if I had thought of it when I was younger. I'm thirty now... too set in my ways to enjoy being bossed around anymore. :) But if it appeals to you, maybe you should go for it! Have you considered the Coast Guard? Good luck to you in whatever endeavors you undertake!
    xoxo Jane

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  4. I'm joining you for CD1. Fun isn't it? The only difference is, I am no longer ttc. I have a couple of decades on you, but we decided to not keep pursuing the craziness. In a way I'm now free to do whatever I want with my life. I'm not for one second suggesting you give up your dreams of motherhood, but it sounds like you need to find your own passion, too. I wish you all the very best.

    Oh, and happy ICLW. Hope your computer starts behaving.

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