What have I done?

After reading blog and being so mad I (stupidly) posted it on Facebook, mostly because a lot of my friends like Ron Paul. Little did I know that everybody was gonna freak out about IVF and how they don't agree with me. I'm at a loss for words. I'm so emotionally invested that it was hard for me to nicely ask what their problem with it was. I emailed one of them and asked and she responds with she wouldn't bind what she thinks on anybody she just doesn't agree with IUI or IVF...WHAT? I can understand that some people have a problem with left over embryos so that I can see. I believe in IVF but whats wrong with IUI??

I really wasn't prepared for the comments and for so many people to be so against IVF and IUI. It makes me sad and makes me want to close myself off and hind about being infertile. It makes me wish I hadn't been so open because I'm really upset by the lack of support. Then again they don't know were about to start IUI so how can I be upset. I so badly want to pick up the phone and call somebody and talk to feel better but nobody knows where doing IUI so what do I do?

I'm just so glad I have all of you and that you understand! Thank you for always being there and having something nice to say.

I'm happy with my decision

to switch RE's after yesterday.

First let me back track. I needed to have my thyroid checked before my apt so I was going to get it done Friday morning and because they do more than just my thyroid i have to do a fasting blood test, well I forgot and woke up starving at 4am and so i ate and then remembered i wasn't suppose to. oops so I fasted to have my blood drawn Monday. My primary doctor also does the blood test for my endo because he referred me and he's here and my endo's an hour away. I go in and they say they won't do by blood test anymore because he hasn't seen me in awhile. I was so mad because he said he couldn't see me for my thyroid thats why he send me to an endo. I was hungry so i was super cranky! I left almost in tears and decided to call the 2nd office with the doctor I like better, they said they didn't see why they couldn't do my blood work but she'd check and call me back. I was so mad I went ahead and ate.

In the meantime I call the RE and say I'm coming thru Tampa tomorrow so can you get my medical records ready and I'll sign the release tomorrow. (I talked to them a month ago and they said just call a day before and they'd get it ready) The lady says she can't do that because it takes 5 days to get my records and they have to mail them. WHAT?! Why didn't you tell me this a month ago?? I did talk them into giving them to me in person by next Thursday if I fax in the form. I'm so annoyed!

Then the doctor called me back and said they'd do my blood work! YAY To bad I'd already eaten. Now I'll have to not eat again tonight to have them do my draw tomorrow morning. I'll never go back to doctor A again. Only reason I go to that lab is they women there is AWESOME but I dislike the doctor. Love doctor B but not the lab, oh well.

Anyways I'm really happy I'm switching Re's after the way they acted on the phone about my records.

It sickens me...

The way people treat their children these days.

First I just want to say I get that people aren't perfect, I'm far from perfect, I have many many flaws and I know I will fail time and time again as a parent, however some things are just not ok.

I was asked to babysit today and I said no problem. They are my nieces, any day any time. I love them. Well I was going to keep them while their dad worked till midnight and tomorrow till 4, so they were going to just stay the night. I get a text an hour before they come from grandma saying she's picking them up at 630, I just wait to see what dad says cause it's his weekend so I was confused. He gets here and says she begged to have them since her BF will have his kids. I figured since I have to work I'll just miss out on them tomorrow night and let her take them. I said ok no big deal.

Well dad leaves and the oldest starts crying and I said babe whats wrong (this isn't like her) and she says I don't wanna go home (they live with mom and grandma) I wanna go to daddys. I tried to explain that daddy was working and she'll see him in two weeks. She was just crying and crying that it wasn't fair she never gets to see daddy and she only got to see him for a day not the whole weekend like she was suppose to. That the younger two see daddy every week and she can't because of school. What do you say to a 6 year old when they are telling you this. She asked why she couldn't see daddy next weekend and I said it was mommys weekend and they were going to see B (moms new BF) and she got all upset and said she didn't want to that mom and B fight all the time and she wanted to live with daddy.

None of this matters to mom and she pretty much told me as such when i asked her what to tell her child that was very upset. She doesn't see that this divorce and putting her new bf before her children is wrong. Fine you don't want to be married, you want to date this new guy before you've even filed but don't put him before your kids. Getting a divorce is hard enough without putting for kids on the back burner.

It just makes me so mad that people that don't care about their kids at all. That people like that can pop them out right and left and good people like so many of us can't.

As I sit here this sweet face of the middle child comes and says Aunt Jennie can I sit in your lap and write on the computer too. How can you do this to a sweet harmless child. It's so sad!

Sorry, that was my vent of the week! ENJOY LOL

Such a nice day

Some days I feel like my husband must read my blog. I know he doesn't but anyways.

He took me to a GREAT lunch and then we walked on the beach. He asked how I was feeling about IUI coming up and talked about baby names. We talked about where to go from here if this doesn't work. It really was what I needed today. It's amazing how he knows just what to do sometimes. There were things I wasn't thrilled with. He doesn't want to do IVF if this doesn't work (money, I get it) but it still broke my heart. We talked about adoption, and if we'd be ok with that and the stress involved. I just hope IUI works and we don't have to deal with any of those choices.

I really am lucky to have such a wonderful husband. I know that things aren't always perfect and there are days I swear he just sits and giggles to watch me want to kill him but I am truly blessed.

Try to be calm and cool

We decided not to tell anyone about doing IUI. Mostly because we don't want to deal with any of the neg comments about jobs, money, school. I know that everybody would be happy with a baby just not thrilled about paying money to get one. This makes me sad. Because I come from infertility so that's hard. I just wanna pick up the phone and have somebody tell me Itll work out don't worry I know it's stressful and hard but I don't. Dh gets it to a point but at the same time he's a man. He doesn't want to know or hear that I think about this every minute of the day. I feel like this is so unhealthy! Lol I really need a job or something to keep my mind busy. I know I'm still limited with my injury on what I can and can't do but I've got to find something.

I just hate feeling alone.

To sock it or not?

I've seen some really fun socks on some of your blogs on the day of transfer or IUI and I've been debating if I should get some fun, good luck socks. I normally wear flip flops but changing it up and taking pictures might be fun and it'll be something to do that might help the stress.

Thoughts?

Welcome and my crazy random thoughts!

Welcome visitors! I hope you find my blog fun and wanna stick around for our crazy journey. If you wanna know about me check out my hot links at the top.

Does anybody else feel like they don't post for a couple days and then they have 6 things they wanna write about in one day?

Here goes my randomness.

1. I've been having really bad headaches and its starting to worry me. I had a horrible horrible last week Sun-Wen morning and I was going to go to the doctor when it went away. I was hoping it was just a AF headache but not it's back. I don't know what it is. I'm getting my thyroid checked this week so I hope its not that. I think I might need an eye exam. Could it be this bad from my eyes? I don't have any other reason to think I need glasses other than this and my eye do hurt sometimes. About three years ago they told me I needed the lightest prescription but I never got it and now its three years later.

2. I have got to stop googling things. I have googled everything there is to google about IUI. I really need to stop, I'm making myself crazy!!! We haven't gotten to our first visit to find out what this new doctor will and won't do. (oral meds vs injectables) Time frame, anything. 19 days!!

3. What are ya'lls thoughts on letrozel vs injectables?

4. Is it crazy to really believe and trust this is going to work first shot? After 4 years of IF to believe it's going to work. I also have a really strong feeling we'll have multiples, am I crazy. I don't know why I feel so strongly but I just have a feeling. Maybe because they doctor gave us really good odds for it working (the old doctor well see what the new doctor says) and because my risk of multiples is a bit higher.

I think thats all I have for now, my brain is just all over the place. If I'm this crazy and we haven't even gotten to the IUI month how am I going to be during that? I'm gonna need to take a vacation of something during the tww or something.

None to Pleased

I took fertilaid this month before we decided to go ahead with IUI. Now I'm on CD27 since its after midnight and I've been spotting for two days which means AF is due any minute. If and when it shows today that'll mean a 26 day cycle. I'm not happy about this because if I have another short cycle like this again I'll be on cd2 or 3 when my IUI apt finally gets here. I'm worried they won't do the IUI if thats the case, mostly because they have to send our protocol over to winfertility for approval before we can start. I don't want to wait a whole other month to start IUI.

I'm not happy. I'm thinking I won't take fertilaid again this month as I was planning in hopes my cycle will go back to 30-32 days.

As unhappy as I am at the moment I'm trying to be positive and know everything will work out for the best and God has a plan.

Money Matters

Anybody else sit and wonder can I afford IUI, IVF? Do we have the money to have a baby (i.e. get pregnant) let alone raise one?

I'm the worrier in our household and I'm stressing. Our lease is up in April and we'd like to move out of state because DH finally finished his BA and doesn't have a great job now but with no calls back on any jobs and not sure which school would be best for a masters. (He's doing a lot of research) I know we can stay here if need be but neither of us want to but it's stressful thinking about moving and not knowing where and at this point no ones called so they do then who knows where well live and if they don't call do we stay here with not a great job or more for school and then neither of us have a job and I'll possibly be pregnant since IUI is end of Feb. Is this the right time? I mean the reason were doing now before we move is because we got such a great deal on that its hard not to give it at least one shot because we move since this program isn't offered all over the county. AHHHHHH

What is wrong with me?! Anybody else stressed about money while TTC? I feel like I'm always asking this money question because we never have as much as we'd like. LOL

Waiting

Called the new doctor and can't get in until Feb 10th. So far away! Means no IUI this cycle. I'm trying to be ok with it and just continue with the fertilitaid and go with it.

Here we go

I'm calling the new doctor tomorrow to set up our IUI planning apt! I tried to call today but they were closed due to the 1st. I really hope everything goes as planned and we can get in before our next cycle and that I like the new doctor! I'm really excited and I have huge hopes that this will work for us!