Friday, January 21, 2011

Some days it's one minute at a time!

Well I've made it to cd10. Finished my meds. Man they started giving me a headach the last couple days but I made it thru.

Somebody else today told me they were pregnant. First shot after her m/c that was also a first shot pregnancy. So annoying. I'm happy for them but I'm sad for me and nobody understands. This is the 3rd person in the past two weeks that have told me they were pregnant. I did just fine with the first 2 but this one killed me. I don't know what triggered the tears and emotions with this one. Maybe timing in my cycle. I just want to curl up and cry and just be alone. I hate feeling this way.

I just want to be ok and be happy. I just don't know how to let go and let God and not thinking about babies and not hurt. I keep telling myself that I should get a gym membership and get back to working out. I know that would make me feel better. Yet everyday I don't get up early enough to go before school or work. I tell myself I'd rater be well rested and fat (I'm not really overweight just riding that line between normal and overweight) then tired and thin. I can say A) I watch to much TV and therefore I stay up to late to get up and work out and B) I need 10 hours of sleep to function, always have, always will. Man I just need somebody to kick my butt, I need a buddy and I can't find one.

I do want to take the time and say thank you to everybody that commented, it means the world to me and shows me I'm not alone. I don't have anybody in my day to day life that understands that it's been three years and nothing and yes I'm only 24 and people say I have time but we all know that might not be the case. Does anybody know how to make it email me when I get a comment? I miss all ya'lls till I logged on today and saw it.

To answer the question about Soy Isoflavones. It's the natural version of clomid, taken the same way (5 days). It doesn't have as many side affects as clomid and it doesn't dry out your cm like clomid either. However you are on your own taking it so that is a down fall but since we don't have insurance I'm ok with taking it for a few months until we move.

I feel better already just writing this!


  1. Yes letting go is always hard. I am also struggling with the desire to go to the gym being overtaken by the desire to sleep in. I see in your plans for 2011 that you hope to move to DC. I used to live there and it is a great place!


  2. Yay! done with Meds! I hope the headache goes away quickly.
    I agree, letting go is hard, hearing other people are pregnant is hard, almost everything is hard. My husband wanted to cry when his brother announced, too. (we infertile women are not alone). I've cried way too many times.
    I'm turning 23 soon - I get the you have plenty of time thing, too. I hate it. hang in there.
    Good luck with this cycle.